Monday, April 28, 2008

The Assignments

Haven't really felt like writing much lately as I've had an awful load of assignments to complete over the last couple of weeks.

Not to mention things getting a little stressful for us Grad Dip Ed students with trying to find placements at schools for our prac - apparently only about a quarter of us have been placed!

I might have to suggest to our placement officer that if they can't find a place in the metro area that maybe they could try place me in a high school in a country town, like Albany, where I can stay with my uncle and do my prac there... my sister did a few years ago!

Just means I'll be away for 4-6 weeks as I don't think my uncle has internet, but I'll sure be enjoying myself, don't worry.

Aah Albany...

Sunday, April 27, 2008

OK, I'm Done

Okay, I'm sick of the sub-20 degree days now.

I'm through with winter... I want summer back.

Oh, wait a minute.

It ain't winter yet.


Word Verification

Is it just me or is the word verification thingos becoming a little too hard to decifer even for us mere humans now??

I mean, check it out, add a comment and see how many takes you go through when adding a comment.

(Or maybe it's just me, and Google's trying to tell me something?)

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Blue Steel

Conversation with hairdresser Kristy yesterday after when she had finished cutting my hair:

K: Would you mind if I use you?
ME: Wow, you're the first woman who's actually asked. Most just seem to take advantage of me without asking!
K: I just need to use you for a male hair competition.
ME: What hair are we talking about?
K: Ah, the one I just cut for you.
ME: Oh, okay.
K: It will only take a couple of seconds.
ME: Women say that all the time... and that's fine.
K: It's okay then?
ME: Yeah, no worries.

And with that a chic came over, grabbed one of Kristy's combs out of her top pocket and fanned my hair with it as well as my hair's straightness.

Judge: Length okay on top?
ME: Yeah, it's good.

I don't know if my "Blue Steel" or "Magnum" impressions worked while she was judging my hair, but I hope Kristy wins the competition. I thought she did quite a good job.

Encounters Of An Older Kind

Twice now it's happened. Twice. 1. 2.

First time I was around the age of about 22, shooting hoops at North Lake Senior High's outdoor basketball courts, the school where I ended up graduating from, having both outdoor courts to myself, again. From memory it was a cool spring day, I had rode to the courts using my father's bicycle minding my own business trying best to score as many points as possible against my hapless imaginary opponents whilst moving enough around the court to try and keep warm.

Unfortunately the North Lake school and it's hardened bitumised basketball courts bordered Coolbellup which meant the school contained the same riff-raff and thugs it's neighbouring suburb had. Personally I never really cared. I mean I grew up here. I was of the attitude that if you kept away from crowds like that you weren't likely to get sucked in.

So playing on my lonesome wasn't anything new to this area. And seeing someone walk through the school grounds was even rarer. It definitely wasn't a place one stayed around once the sun set.

It was therefore a little strange that on this one particular day an old man walking his little Jack Russel terrier came over and began chatting. It was odd, but not solely because someone was walking the school grounds as it did happen (just rarely) but odd because at that stage of my life I was uncertain about a direction I was taking. I had just started investing in the stock market and I was enjoying the dynamics of it, and wanted to take advantage of learning it some more, but felt restricted because of my full-time studies at university with accounting.

It wasn't until after the bloke and I exchanged some small talk that he began to open up about his life and the life of his son.

I can't recall exactly how the conversation went, but I do remember the meat of what he spoke about: investing. Stuff I was contemplating at the time! Apparently this man's son was quite wealthy. He had invested in the stock market, property market and had done quite well through the last 5-10 years.

Wow, I thought, how uncanny.

And yet I never discussed anything about my views or experiences on anything about investing.

When the old man and I parted ways I ended up changing a few of my units at university and did some more finance based courses. It helped me get through the rather bland accounting units and made university that little bit more enjoyable.

But yes, even to this day I have never forgotten that incident. I think the timing of it, the things that were said without prompting, the place, and the surrounding circumstances made it something that was truly unforgetable, weirdly unforgetable... kind of like yesterday...

Yesterday I decided I had to either get started on the four assignments I have due next week, or... some exercise. It was a hard decision. But exercise won in a fierce battle. After suiting up and shooting around at the local outdoor courts in the area a small old man was jumping up and down and pushing his hands in the air.

Does this man have that weird Toronto Blessing?? I thought.

Initially I didn't think he was talking to me, so I looked around for someone who he was maybe trying to communicate with, but being the only one on the court and nobody else around I stopped what I was doing and placed a hand up to my ear asking, "What??"

Again he jumped up and down and did a hand motion like he was pushing a haystack or something.

"I can't hear you?" I yelled.

And with that he walked over the street and I too began heading towards him.

I hope he's not going to be annoying and say something stupid like, 'Can you please keep the noise down as I'm trying to sleep!' Well it was 10:30 in the morning and the guy was in boxers and a singlet!

When we had come within a couple of meters of each other he said with a deep Italian accent, "You shoot like Michael Jordan!"

Oh, was that what you were saying?

I reassured the bloke that I had maybe popped a couple of lucky ones in but I was certainly no Michael Jordan. It was all the guy needed to begin giving a dissertation on his life story.

I think that maybe I have the face for it... or should that be the ears for it?

He began talking about how he was a butler and how he worked around Europe before moving to Australia 20 years ago, how he started a few popular restaurants around Perth, how he was going through a bitter divorce and how he was coping living with his daughter.

It was an interesting talk. He had a thick Italian accent, so most of the time I was trying to piece together what he was saying, but one thing I found interesting was how he was able to know my heritage just from my face.

"You born here?" he asked.
"Yes, born and bred here," I answered.
"Parents born here?"
"Yes, they were too. I think I'm a 5th or 6th generation Aussie, or something like that."
"You're heritage Scottish?"
"Yes, it is actually," I answered surprisingly, as most people assume Irish descent upon seeing my surname, yet I don't have a drop of Irish blood within me.
"I can see it," he said pointing to my face and stating some of my facial Scottish features.

But I guess it was the topic of food that united us. (I know, fancy that, eh? Two blokes talking about food! lol)

Luciano, as he introduced himself to me, said the big difference with Italian food compared to the rest of the world is the "secret" ingredient of passion and love.

"As it should be with anything," he said.

We continued talking for about an hour more before he went back to his daughter's house to do some cleaning. We shook hands as we parted and he left with a beaming smile, "Whatever you do in life, be sure to do it from your heart and you'll have great success."

I agreed and shot a few more hoops before heading back home.

Reflecting back upon both instances if there was one thing I found interesting about both accounts it'd be that with the first old man he didn't seem too happy. He was proud that his son had achieved such grandeur, but I think such success had come at a price where his son had now become a distant object. I don't recall ever seeing the first old man ever smiling or laughing.

Whereas Luciano was opposite. He was always smiling, and laughing, even amidst all the crap that was happening around him. If there was anyone worthy of being unhappy it was Luciano, but strangely he wasn't - he saw through the struggle and it didn't seem to sour his passion for food, and his love for his daughter.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

The Family

Last night a friend phoned asking if I knew of a Christian organisation called "The Family". Initially I thought it was some Mafiaoso type group and began talking with a Marlon Brando type voice,

"Why aren't you part of the family?" I hoarsed, sending my throat dry.

We played around with it a little more, but when we settled he said that he couldn't find fault with any of the main areas of their doctrine.

They appeared to be okay.

As I didn't know anything about them I decided to do a quick check to see what they were all about. Upon perusing their website I went to their statement of faith and pretty much couldn't find fault with any of their points.

Until I got near towards the end under the heading labelled "Perspectives on Sexuality".

They talked about how God created sex (correct) and that it is a natural emotional and physical need (ok, somewhat agree) and that sex is to be between a man and a woman (agree). The topic then ended with this...

Thus, it is our belief that heterosexual relations, when practiced as God ordained, designed, and intended between consenting adults of legal age, is a pure and natural wonder of God's creation, and permissible according to Scripture.

Did anybody else pick up something that was kinda lacking... you know, a small little thing??

I mean, as from their statement of faith it appears that it's okay to have heterosexual sex *JUST* provided they are of legal age!

Aaaah, guys... what about God ordaining sex within the confines of, oh I dunno, a little thing called MARRIAGE???

Obviously not.

I soon discovered from reading other websites that this little organisation is aptly labelled the "sex cult"! (The Family has many different names and perhaps the most notorious is The Children Of God for those who might know)

Anyhoo, I contacted my friend again and when he asked about what I had found I quite simply said,

"Dude, if they come round again sign me up!"



(I don't want AIDS.)

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Pulling Power?

Last week you may remember the incident with Taryn.

During our short conversation I invited her to come along to church service an hour early where all the young adults mingle where we share times and experiences together as well as something from the Word.

Interestingly she came today.

"Somebody has pulling power?" said Dan's wife knowing what had transpired last week as she noticed Taryn arrive.

"Hey, I just asked," I said with an innocent tone.

Before Taryn made her way into the room someone mentioned that she had an older brother who passed away, leaving her the only one in the family. It probably wasn't the best topic for whoever started it as Taryn was only moments away!!

Thankfully, someone quickly changed the topic as she made her way in.

We were only able to speak for a few moments as today *I* was the one who had to quickly scoot after the service as I'm off to Bunbury today to see relatives and hear Chucky Missler speak.

Hope your weekend is going well.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Likalia's Nick

Likalia, as you probably know being an Aussie we shorten pretty much everybody's name. And I've noticed that pretty much with everybody I've come in contact with their names are either already short enough, or I've given them the Aussie karate chop and shortened it for them.

Some examples of female names given the AKC (Aussie Karate Chop) have been:

Jennifer becomes Jenny, Jenni, Jen or Jenn.

Rebecca becomes Bek, Bec or Beck.

Rachel becomes Rach.

Carlie becomes Carls.

Jemima becomes Jem.

Victoria becomes Vicki, Vicky, Vic or V.

Miranda becomes Mandy.

Fiona becomes Fi, Fe-Fe, or FJ.

Melissa and Melanie become Mel.

Richelle and Michelle become Shell, or Shelley.

And the list goes on and on...

Except for when I hit your name, Likalia. I think any poor Aussie bloke is going to be stumped with that one!

L? Li? Lik? Liki? Lika? Likals? Kalia?!?!?

None of them seem to fit right. You're the only chic who's name remains intact!!

So now I'm curious what nicknames have you had in the past?

(Hmm, I wonder if indigo eve or maggie will be of better assistance?? lol)

Beware Of Nurses

I have to admit nurses scare me a little. Those chics in white dress are like wolves in sheep's clothing.

Interestingly (or weirdly!) I came across this joke today:

10 Reasons Why Nurses Make Such Perfect Partners:
1) They can help you get over a hangover or sickness
2) Bedbaths!
3) The uniform
4) They are exposed to so many xrays, its like a form of birth control
5) You will never need to buy condoms, paracetamol, toothbrushes or any hospital supplies
6) They know how to handle bodily fluids!
7) Nothing shocks a nurse, they have always seen smaller or indeed bigger!
8) They wont be disgusted by your toilet habits
9) They are experienced in manual evacuation when your full of crap
10) They know how to handle the human body

And my rebuttal to those would be...

10 Reasons Why Nurses Should Freak Any Single Bloke Out:

1) They know the male body a little too well - anybody spell manipulation?
2) Two words: truth serum - need I say anymore guys??
3) They have a habit of bringing their work home with them - I really don't want AIDS
4) They know 1,642,352 different ways to die
5) They know tranquilisers
6) They can handle and use a syringe
7) They know how to remove and replace certain body parts, if not, they know of somebody who can!
8) They glow in the dark due to x-ray exposure
9) Their lips have been on semi-dead people (CPR)
10) They know how much you're worth, and it has nothing to do with your possessions - just think organs and black market!

See, this is why guys need to be careful around nurses. And whatever you do guys, don't EVER divorce them should you marry one - they wont just take half of the estate they'll take half of you too (read point 10 again)!


Oh, and I thought this joke was pretty funny too...

Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell??
It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work!



I don't know whether I mentioned this, but several weeks ago an old friend from school noticed that on my Facebook profile I updated my status to say something to the effect of, "Ryan is glad that he survived the first week of uni... just!"

When one of my old school Facebook friends read this she sent me an email via FB and told me that she too had gone back to university this year and wondered what I was studying and where.

After a few conversations back and forth we found a compatible day and decided to catch up for a short hour.

The only small problem I had was trying to remember what she looked like, especially amongst the thousands of students at uni! The last time we physically met was several years ago when I bumped into her at our 10-year high school reunion and although we talked together for ages, we never really caught up again (to be honest I always thought she lived a million miles away).

When we eventually found each other that day at uni several weeks ago I was quite surprised at how well she had changed. As we had been friends together throughout most of our teenage lives she was the typical high school girl: short, pimple faced, glasses, big smile and contagious laugh - hence why we got on so well!

It was when I was 26 when, at our 10-year high school reunion, that I hardly recognised the girl I once knew at high school. She no longer had the pimples, she was still relatively short although a few inches taller, she had grown her blonde hair longer, and she no longer wore those archaeological-type bifocals I always remembered, replacing them instead with contacts. Yet three things still remained: her greeny green eyes, her big smile, and that contagious laugh.

Four years since then as we sat there under the tree at uni I noticed that she had changed into a well-rounded lady. She had trimmed her hair to shoulder length, had developed a killer tan, and seemed more mature (not that she was ever immature, just more mature), yet even amongst the changes she still sported that smile, flashed those greeny green eyes, and still had that contagious laugh.

Amongst hearing about her travels throughout the years (India, Sri Lanka, Russia, Europe, UK) I found out that she was doing a 4-year degree at university (yes I almost fainted!) to further her career as a nurse.

I also was embarrassed to find out about something else too...

"It must be difficult for you to travel from the hills to university every day?" I asked, remembering that she lived out in the hills.
"Yeah. Don't you live out in the hills?" I asked, slowly, thinking that maybe, just maybe, I had her confused with someone else.
"I've never lived out in the hills!?"
"Ah, didn't you used to live out in the hills?? I always remember you living out in the hills!?"
"No, I've never lived out in the hills. I've always lived south of the river."

I nearly fell off my chair. I couldn't believe it. All this time she had been south of the river and I always thought she lived a million miles away. I slapped my forehead.

Unfortunately the hour went too quickly, so I teased her a little by asking,
"So, if you've been south of the river all this time then I suppose you've had a crocodile pizza?" I cocked my eyebrow (just like in my profile pic).
"Ah-no," she answered thinking that I was probably making something up.
"You call yourself a south of the river chic and you've never had a crocodile pizza in Freo. You probably better off living out in the hills then," I joked, chuckling a little.
"Do they sell crocodile pizzas in Freo?" she asked, now curious.
"Yes, we'll have to catch up again maybe during one of your lunch breaks at university there and have one," I offered.
"Love to!" she responded although somewhat cautiously due to the strange nature of the delicacy.

And that was how we ended it on that day. We both had to race off to our class, but none more so than myself who had a microteaching lesson to give!

Anyway, last week after my return from Coral Bay Curtin university had a one week break. I decided to check and see if she was free for lunch so I sent an email via Facebook to her asking if she was interested in becoming initiated and confirmed as a south of the river chic by taking part in the crocodile pizza eating ceremony!

I heard nothing back.

Oh well I gave it a shot, I thought and didn't think any more of the matter.

Until yesterday when I received a text message from her where she apologised for not replying sooner because she doesn't check Facebook very often (which I thought was a little weird as for those who are familiar with FB know she had updates since the time I sent my email - how can you NOT notice an email and update your profile!?). Anyhoo, she had an available time free due to a cancelled appointment and wanted to know if I was still up for lunch or coffee.

Unfortunately I was at uni about to enter class and replied that I couldn't make it today, but next time I'll endeavour to text or call instead of using Facebook.

The only problem being I just don't know when that next time will be!?

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Foot Fetish

I think Mark has a thing for feet.


Apparently last night my sister made mention of the fact that he wanted to see her feet... it was a case of show me yours and I'll show you mine.

Ah, dude... what is it with feet???

Now I'll admit that my sister was quite playful about the topic, and I'm glad my sister hadn't heard of the incident with Bree and his disproval of her toes, but from knowing a little about Mark it seems to be a recurring theme that's getting a little too freaky to be "cute".

I think I'd better count how many pairs of shoes my sister has and keep a close eye on them (it might take awhile though, she's got hundreds of 'em... at least keeping tabs on my shoes is easy: I can count them ALL on ONE hand!! lol).

Am I the only one who thinks that fascination with womens feet is kinda weird?? Do women feel just as uncomfortable if a bloke says such things in all sincerity (without humour)??

Finger Licking Funny

My brother sent me this joke this morning and I thought to share it as I'm sure you'd all enjoy it for today, as I did...

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. With one of her fingers she seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his manly rugged beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both her hands.

"Actually, no," he replied.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, moving her hands through his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," stumbled the bartender somewhat reluctant to move for a little while, enjoying her playfulness, "Is there... anything... I... can... do?"

"Yes," she said running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them softly, "I need you to give him a message."

"What should I tell him?" bumbled the bartender as she continued playing around with his mouth as he spoke, stroking his tongue as he pronounced "tell" in the process.

"Tell him," she whispered, taking a slight pause while she continued playing with the enraptured bartender, "tell him there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."