Sunday, March 30, 2008

A Man, A Plan, A... Girl, South African?!

The plan had been set. Names had been changed to protect the innocent.

It seemed a perfect plan to some, but it was difficult to tell. There were variables within the well-formulated scheme that were a little too volatile, these were going to need to be carefully watched and monitored.

Someone suggested tranquilisers, another a big net, to reduce these "variables" being too volatile, but all knew that if they kept to the plan they wouldn't need to resort to these sinister tactics. Hopefully plan B wouldn't be needed... there wasn't one anyway!

"Revelations, where are you?" came the cry out.

"Revelations, is at the back, over," replied the slightly audible voice.

"Praising Him, I can't see you?" went out as the second test call.

"Praising Him here, over," echoed another faint voice with one hand raised in the air reaching heavenward.

"Wretched Sinner, come in?"

There was silence.

"O Wretched Sinner where art thou?" echoed the call again.

"Haven't seen Wretched Sinner in yet," whispered a new voice.

"Damn that Wretched Sinner," spat the caller.

A few strangers noticed the sudden slight outburst and stole a quick glance at the location of the noise.

"Deep breaths, Lazarus, don't give yourself a heart attack - he should be here any minute," prompted a faint calming voice.

Lazarus quieted himself and placed a question mark over Wretched Sinner's name on the list he had before him.

"Okay, and is Samson in position?"

"Yes, he's blocking the entrance, although he's a little distracted right now," whispered Praise Him.

"Can you get him to focus please Praise Him, pluck out his eyes if you have to!" sighed Lazarus.

"A Wretched Sinner has just arrived, over."

"Get him into position at the altar immediately," raced Lazarus.

"Copy that."

Quick scurrying movements impressed even the most experienced church mouse at how everyone quickly moved into place.

It was only seconds now and everyone waited for the call-sign.

It came...

"Angel has landed. I repeat An-gel - has - lan-ded," Lazarus audibly called bending down to tie his unlatched shoelace.

Nobody moved. Everybody had to remain calm, for the sake of the plan, and it's result.

"Angel has been greeted," echoed Samson at the front door, "Angel passing through."

This brought the Revelations to attention as he weaved and moved his way through the available chairs, sitting at one and placing many useless possessions at others.

"Sorry, seats are taken," he said as Angel moved by.

Lazarus, after raising himself up, noticed something wasn't quite right. It was Revelations, he wasn't in the right spot.

"Revelations!" Lazarus screamed, "you're in the wrong seat, over."

Revelations quickly scampered with his strewn possessions and hurled them over on to the next row.

The Angel had nearly landed, but Revelations was quick, "Sooo sorry, but these rows are taken as well."

Angel looked a little perplexed at how one man could take up two rows of seats, and Lazarus noticed the frustration in her face.

"Quickly Praise Him, move in."

Praise Him jumped up and over the seats and sped towards Revelations where he quickly sat down, turned and thanked Revelations for saving him "this" seat.

Angel, surprised at the lack of charity and kindness offered by the two men, moved another row down and occupied the next available seat.

"YES! Praise Him, awesome!" Lazarus was getting a little too excited, and his eruption once again saw those nearby staring at his recent outburst.

Noticing the attention he caused he quickly raised his hands and looked heavenward for a few seconds before closing his eyes and nodding his head. Unsuspecting people thought nothing of it.

"Okay, now where's The Beast?" Lazarus resumed after noticing eyes were no longer set on him.

Silence fell again.

"Haven't seen The Beast yet," replied Wretched Sinner from the front eyeing out across the congregation.

"Service is starting soon, people, we need The Beast to come out of hiding. Samson can you see what's holding it up?" Lazarus was feeling the tension build, there was only a small window of opportunity now... and it was closing fast.

"The Beast is moving in now," waved Samson from the front door frantically.

The congregation now stood and began singing the first hymn.

As The Beast quickly meandered in he made his way towards Revelations and was going to squeeze in, but Revelations refused, telling him that these seats were reserved for good people and not him.

Praise Him similarly refused.

The only place left was in front of Angel.

As soon as The Beast sat down, Lazarus jumped up and let out a whoping "Hallelujah!" - everything had fallen into place.

The last piece was now getting both The Beast & Angel to connect after the service, but thankfully no further prompting was needed. The Beast, after hearing the closing prayers' "Amen" turned immediately around and began talking to Angel before she could fly away.

"Perfect," said Lazarus as he waved at all to man the exits ensuring that the Angel never takes flight.

As The Beast & Angel talked for a little while, he noticed that Angel was quite timid and seemed to want to run, but reluctantly she stayed and they talked about a couple of things, one of which interested The Beast: they attend the same university!

Not wanting to hold Angel up, The Beast said his goodbye's and told her that he'd see her again either at uni or maybe next week at church.

With that she quickly vanished and disappeared into the light.


Yes, I was able to speak to Taryn today... FINALLY!

I practically nearly jumped on her after the service, making sure that she didn't leave. (In fact I think I even jumped on her as the pastor was saying amen! Making her amen sound more like an "ARGH-MAN!").

But yes, Mark had formulated a plan to have me sit right in front of her today so that there was NO EXCUSE for at least not say more than just hello... and he made sure I understood my mission as he ushered me to "MY" seat.

I had to laugh, which is why my warped sense of humour made me look at todays events in the abovementioned way.

But thanks Mark... it's a start, she's South African, and she's definitely a timid one.

I'll just keep eeking away.


Jen said...

NO way shes SA? Whats her last name?

The reason I because Taryn is an unusal name...and he last time I heard it, it was a friend of a friend..who happens to be South African. Could the world be small enough for it to be the same girl?

Ryan said...

Yeah, she's SA!

But it doesn't surprise me though, as Wanneroo and Joondalup seem to be full of SA's!!

When I find out her last name I will let you know. I only know her mother's name (Natalie), and I kinda know her father's name (I think it's Mani!?).

But yeah that would be freaky if your friend knew her too!

Six degrees of separation at work, or somethin'!? lol

Jen said...

If she is one in the same girl..thats just going to too spooky.