On Saturday I went to my grandfather's place to pick up my weekly mail.
I was surprised and delighted to see a big box that Dana had sent me and I hurriedly ripped off all the "Quarantine Inspected" stickers to see what she had sent me this time.
Interestingly, it was an array of Godiva chocolates (mmMmMmMmmm), a frisbee, and some cookies with date filling.
All very wonderful!!
Unfortunately though, upon opening the chocolate packets, all of them had melted and while I sampled a couple they strangely didn't taste much like chocolate!? So I don't know what quarantine had done, but I hope they weren't responsible for super-heating the package!
But it was the thought that counted, and while I've had the chocolates in the fridge since I'm hoping they'll morph back into their respective shapes and taste.
After the excitement though my grandfather called me into the living room where he told me to sit down and pointed the very seat he wanted to me take.
Uh-oh, I thought, this isn't going to be one of "those" talks is it?
"Now lift your feet up," he said as he brought over this contraption that he placed at the base of the chair I was sitting at.
I didn't know what to make out of it at first, but when I saw two outline prints of feet on the device I stupidly placed me feet on them as he then turned it on.
I was being zapped.
"It's so relaxing isn't it?"
"It sends pulses of electricity through your feet..."
"... and up through your legs..."
"... it's meant to help stimulate the rest of your body."
The only thing being stimulated was my nervous system, the sensation running up through my feet was making my feet contort and my calves almost pop out of their skin.
"Argh!" I winced.
It was difficult trying to pull my feet off as each pulse made my feet cramp up and stick to the thing.
"What are you complaining about? You should be relaxing," he said noticing that I wasn't having any fun.
"Oh, wait a minute, you've got the strength on 25, it should only be 8," and with that he turned the dial down and blood began returning to my feet.
Aah, that's a little more like it.
This went on for about 10 minutes, and being the bloke who was now getting acquainted with what the device was all about I decided to see how much pain I could take.
I cranked it back up to 25.
The veins in my feet popped out again, and my calf muscles were tensing.
Okay, this is doable, let's go to 30.
Arrrrrgh! The slight increase in intensity saw more veins popping out from my feet.
This was no longer therapy... it was torture!
ARRRRRRRRRRGH! The pulses sent ripping through my body now began to reach my upper legs. Even muscles I thought I never had began contracting and dilating.
I don't know why, but I ticked the meter up to 45.
I think my knee caps blew off!
It was as high as I could go, my legs couldn't take it anymore.
When the 30-minutes had finished my calves had felt as though I had been on a long walk up Mount Everest.
"So, do you feel relaxed?" my grandfather asked noticing that the screaming had finally stopped.
"Yeah, I'm sooooo relaxed I feel like I'm a paraplegic now!"
The Internet Age
1 week ago