Friday, February 08, 2008

Would You Marry For Money?

I received this email from Willo yesterday...

The American Way of Romance

The following exchange took place on Craigslist, the New York community message board:

"What am I doing wrong? I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25-year-old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm over-reaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips?

I dated a businessman who made around 200-250K. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. $250,000 won't get me to Central Park West. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker, and lives in Tribeca. She's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right?

Here are my questions specifically:

# Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics - bars, restaurants, gyms.

# What are you looking for in a mate?

# Is there an age range I should be targeting?

# Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the Upper East Side so plain? What's the story there?

# Lawyers, investment bankers, doctors. How much do these guys really make? And where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

# How do you rich guys decide on marriage vs just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY."

An Investment Banker's Response:

"I qualify as a guy who fits your bill - I make more than $500K per year. Here's how I see it: Your offer is a plain and simple crappy business deal. What you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money.

Fine, simple.

But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity - in fact, it is very likely that my income will increase, but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms, you are a depreciating asset. In Wall Street terms, we'd call you a trading position - not a buy and hold. It doesn't make good business sense to 'buy you' (which is what you're asking) - so I'd rather lease.

The deal that makes sense for me is dating, not marriage."

Now I don't know the authenticity of this interaction (well, it was from Craigslist!), but if it's true I find it interesting that there's a woman who is looking to marry primarily based on money.

I guess the equivalent for blokes would be looks.

Would you marry for money? Would you marry for looks?

Personally I wouldn't care about how wealthy or poor my woman is, but I think this would be different for women on men though, especially considering that guys should be the bread-winner in the household. But what about looks? I guess it would be similar to how a woman responds to whether she'd marry a guy for money.

Most women, I would think, would say something to the effect of "They'd need to have a stable job/income." In essence, there needs to be something. I think it would similarly apply to my answer on a woman's looks - there needs to be something.

I couldn't imagine marrying somebody where it would make me cringe kissing them!

While personality and their faith in Christ are highly esteemed in my eyes for a potential partner I can't overlook looks.

(Overlook looks... lol)


Likalia said...

You know it is funny I've always joked that I would marry for money. (Most of my friends probably think I will in the end.) Yet of all the guys I've dated I've always been the one with the higher income.
Stability is a great help, but I don't care how stable a guy can make me if I don't feel something real, what is the point?
As looks go I'm usually attracted to pretty boys, but then I always date the guys who make me laugh or are sweet, whatever their looks. Though those things only make them more attractive in my eyes.
Oh and when it comes to age, as with looks, sometimes you just throw out all the rules because something clicks. I tend to say I wouldn't date anyone younger than my oldest younger brother (who is two years younger than me - because it seems weird) but rules were made to be broken right?

Hopefully that all makes sense my brain is really ready for it to be Friday night...:)

Ryan said...

Hi Likalia,

It doesn't surprise me that you'd marry for money... he makes it, you count it - what a partnership! lol

I understand what you're saying about the rules flying out the window and all, especially with age (Jen and Willo have been putting me through the ringer lately! lol), but yeah I don't think I could date someone who was much older than I am (as you are to dating someone younger than you).

It definitely would feel weird.

My younger brother married someone who was a year older, but a year isn't really that big of a difference... a couple is starting to stretch it, and any more than 3 is in my mind forbidden... EVEN IF IT WAS KATE BECKINSALE! ;op

Out of curiousity Likalia: have dates with guys who "made you laugh" generally lasted longer than those who have been more attractive (in your eyes)?

Jen said...

One of my friends Kerri..used to say she had a three marriage plan.

First you married for money. When that marriage are finacially set.

Then you marry for looks. Because by then you want to have kids..and you dont want ugly children.

And lastly..You marry for love. Because love is most important, but its not always rich and its rarely pretty. LOL

Now I personally dont subscribe to the above plan. Yes I do think you have to have some physical attraction to someone. But have you ever met a really attractive person and then the moment they speak...they become less attractive to you?

Visa can meet a guy who you think isnt really your type..but the moment he starts talking..he says and does all the right things and all of the sudden you see him totally in a different light.

Money is just the icing...Its nice to have. Its good to be comfortable and stable. But just as with looks it can disapear.

You need more. You need someone who shares your values and who wants the same things out of life that you do. Who is traveling in the same direction you are. You need someone you can respect and value as an asset to your life.

You need someone who you love flaws and all. Who you wouldnt change even on their bad days. Someone who sees all of the above in you and thinks youre the best thing in her world.

You find that...and you have everything you need. The all icing.

But maybe Im to idealistic?

Ryan said...

Hehehe, I wish Kerri all the best with her three-step plan!

It'd be ironic if her first partner made her sign a prenuptial agreement, the second partner only shot blanks, and the third partner died young!!! Tragically ironic!!! LOL

And yes there have been many attractive people I've met who've looked perfect on the outside, but... then... they... opened their mouth... and then it was like someone had released a balloon... ~pfffFFF~fffFFfff~FFF~fft.

Although, in reverse (i.e. meeting a woman who is unattractive and then becomes attractive after doing the right things), has never really worked for me.

Which actually makes that little fact quite interesting (especially if other blokes think the same), because now I can understand why women place such importance on first impressions with guys. Hmm, that definitely would make some sense... gee, we're such a fickle group us guys, huh? No wonder women try 60 billion different combinations of clothes when they go on their first date! LOL

And you're right about money, just like looks, it may not necessarily last. But someone's personality - a lifetime.

And I like the last point you made too...

I can see why they say love is blind, because when you're truly in love with someone you overlook their infirmities, their weaknesses, their flaws. Friends and family may think you're insane, but love overlooks those things in the other person.

So yes, I think you're too idealistic... strange thing is though I think I am too! Maybe someone will eventually have pity on us. LOL

Likalia said...

I can't actually say that any relationship lasted longer than another, 9 months. That is what all my relationships have been, by the 6 month mark I am getting bored and 3 months later bye-bye.

I know it is horrible, but I figure it means I just haven't found the right guy, right?

Ryan said...

Wow... so when you find out you're not having a baby the boy gets the flick!


And who would've thought that an accountant could ever get bored with something?? LOL