Saturday, February 16, 2008

Take My (Hog's) Breath Away

Okay, this might sound like I've never hit puberty yet, and very little boyish, but I'm awestruck...

I saw the most beautiful pair of brown eyes I have ever seen... well at least since I can remember (and haha to the voice in the background echoing that my memory doesn't really stretch that far back... another wannabe comedian).

But yeah I wish it were in another setting, but... it was at a steakhouse. And she was waiting on our table.

Ya, okay, I know, it's childish... but dude it's true.

We were ushered to our table with menus in hand where the manager informed us that a "Bree" would be serving us tonight.

Not long after "Bree" came over.

As we sat there chatting away (as guys do) "Bree" came to our table crouched down and asked if she could take any drink orders. Initially I hadn't recognised her because of the in-depth discussion I was having with Dan or Mark at the time, but when I looked over...

I have to admit... I kinda stared.

Our eyes locked for a little longer than normal, and my brain went fuzzy.

"Ahhh, sthorie??" I mumbled with drool more than likely dripping from my mouth at the same time.

"Would you like to order drinks?" she asked again.

Dan and Mark were waiting for me to say the usual "Lemo, lime & bitter" order, but dude I couldn't think!??!

The eyes had me smitten!

An eternity passed and Bree smiled at the mess I was no doubt making and Dan finally found the words, "A jug of lemon, lime bitters to start please."

She turned back to her notepad and jotted down a jug of lemon, lime bitters.

"Any entrees?" she asked.

She again looked over at me and I think blood vessels in my brain began bursting...

I tried to get my lips to move...

"Enthways???" I mumbled goo from my mouth flying everywhere.

"Yes, would you like any starters?" she asked, thinking that by making it simpler I might be able to understand.

I understood. She just made it terribly difficult to tell her what I wanted. Even I didn't know what I wanted... no, wait, I did, but my face wasn't working!?!

Dan could see my struggles.

"Just some nachos," he added.

"Nachos it is then."

And with that she looked over again at me, no doubt enjoying the mess I had now become, smiled, and then left us.

I'm going to need to write my order down, blood was returning to my brain again and I knew I was going to be in for some trouble when it came time to order my mains. If you've all been to steakhouses before you know the 10,782,267,381 questions they ask when you order a steak.

"Would you like fries, mashed, brown, baby, Chinese, sweet, organic, or pink with yellow polka dots potatoes?"

Huh? What was the one after Japanese again??

And it didn't take long before the nachos were served along with the jug of LLB's.

"Would you like me to take your orders now?" she asked as she knelt beside me!!!

I nodded.

Breathe, just breathe... she's not going to propose.

"What can I get for you today?" asked Bree, I was first cab off the rank.

I couldn't look across so I re-opened my menu and pointed to the steak with a caveman like grunt.

"Would you like that small, regular, traditional, super-sized, or on our wedding cake?"

Okay, my brain was only getting scarce supply of blood I could tell... I wasn't hearing things correctly.

"Wegula," I bumbled.

"Would you like fries, mashed, baked, or a kiss?"

I think I let out a high pitched squeal.

"Fwise pweas," I spat, my lower lip was disfunctioning.

"And would you like veges, salad, or my phone number?"

I couldn't remember the last time I took a breath and my head was beginning to spin... I could feel my head scoring a three-pointer straight into the nacho plate!

I let out another grunt.


I sure was!

And the nod into the nacho bowl confirmed it.

After taking everybody else's orders things turned back to normal when she left.

Soon our meals were laid before us and it didn't take long for us hungry boys to polish our plates. Unfortunately though Bree couldn't have timed herself better when she came over and asked if everything was okay.

"Yes," I said looking up smiling at her, only realising that I had just finished my corn cob and had a bazillion corn pieces caught between my teeth.

I don't think I could've impressed her any more that night. I think she would've been just as smitten as I was!! (If that were possible... ROFL!)

But yes, Bree at Hog's Breath certainly took my breath away tonight.

I'd be there in a heartbeat again...

"Hello sir, here again, what can I get for you tonight?"

"Just a half-hour stare at Bree's eyes please."


(Don't worry I don't think this childish high school-like crush will last too long... I don't think she was any more than 18 years old!! Oop, I know I'm naughty and shouldn't be staring at girls that young. It's Jen and Willo's fault. LOL)


Likalia said...

lol - poor ryan. :)

Jen said...

Yeah..Yeah...Im a bad influence. Damn my eerie ablity to make you want to think outside the box. Or at the very least peek up over the edge of it.

Or maybe you are just way over due to fall in love. Maybe she was older than 18....and maybe just maybe there was more behind those brown eyes.

Wheres Willo...Im sure he will back me up here : )

Ryan said...

Likalia -> If I had my 40D my eyes would be occupied elsewhere! I swear if I don't get it tomorrow I'm going to explode!!

Jen -> No, leave Willo out of this, you're not tag teaming up on me this time. ;op

Jen said...

Dont be afraid Ryan...

come to the dark side....

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