Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentines Day

There was a strange knock at the door this morning.

It wasn't the typical mailman knock, instead it was a...

*knock* *knock* *okay, now I will try the door...* *oh look it's unlocked..."

But being the astute and alert one for obvious *cough* Canon 40D *cough* reasons I was at the door in an instant.

I don't know whether it was the fact that I stood there behind the door, or the fact that what the person was doing could almost be construed as breaking and entering without the breaking (isn't that just called trespassing... I dunno), but when the door was closed I re-opened it to find a bunch of flowers in my face.

"I'm sorry," said an elderly voice behind the roses.

"Oh wow, talking roses!" I joked and then after peering around the roses and noticing the elderly lady holding them up I continued with, "That's okay."

"Is a Carlee here?" she asked.

*phew* They weren't for me. I was beginning to get a little worried that maybe I had forgotten someone!

"Yes," I answered and after signing a form she quietly sped off down the street (no I wasn't in my jammies, or half-naked).

As I placed the flowers down on the table I began to wonder on who would send my sister flowers. It didn't take me long to guess it would *likely* be from - that jerk she broke up with last year and is reigniting the flame with again.

And I know it ain't my decision on who she sees because I know I ain't marrying my sister, but out of all the guys I know who've wanted to date my sister she had to chose the one at the bottom of the barrel.

And these guys who I know all have stable jobs/incomes, guys that could potentially be very wealthy by the time they're 40, and guys that have their head screwed on properly, can carry an intelligent conversation and aren't emotionally unstable, and they don't do drugs, or sleep around, or drink themselves senseless, or abuse women.


Sorry boys, but you all know the saying: nice guys finish last. I'm sure there's somewhere better out there for you than my sister, it's a shame though I know because my sister is awesome and attractive, I know, but hopefully this fling wont be permanent. Hopefully she'll see past the superficial.

Happy Valentine's Day sis.


Jen said...

I sometimes wonder if we get so desperate to fill that spot and be less lonely that we compromise what we know is best for us just to stop ourselves from feeling that way.

I admit that today I have been feeling sort of down. Not because Im in some crazed need to be someones valentine. But because I suppose watching everyone do the whole hearts and flowers thing reminds me that I dont have anyone in my life in that way.

I know deep down that for me at least I cant just snap my fingers and make a love match. I need to meet someone the right way and take my time getting to know them letting things happen the way they should.

I know what I want for my life and most of the time Im ok with being single and waiting. But there are times...not just on Febuary 14, that I really miss having someone in my life that I can share things with.


Ryan said...

Thanks for being open Jen.

You're definitely not alone though. I'm sure each of us would admit the same thing: we all wish to share life with that someone special.

Interestingly I read a nice quote the other day, which said...

"The married are those who have taken the terrible risk of intimacy and, having taken it, know life without intimacy to be impossible."

Now I believe this quote speaks on several planes rather than just physical intimacy, I tend to think that it speaks of emotional intimacy - being open and vulnerable to another.

I know one particular day with Ella, a girl I dated for over 4 years, she had a real tough day and even though she kept a brave face on to the world when we were quiet and alone together she cried and cried and cried and I remember just standing there and holding her. A moment I'll never forget. Maybe an intimate moment that no one else knew or saw, except us.

So Jen, I agree, it is difficult for us single folk, but please don't think that you're alone in your thoughts and emotions. Even I seek and crave a partner under this rugged exterior.

Jen said...

Youre right Ryan.

There is that feeling you get...when you are able to find someone you can let that close to the inside of you.

Its this bond or connection...knowing that they know you better than anyone else ever will. Its the most incredible feeling Ive ever had in my life.

I guess I just know after having that feeling...that its not something you can just grasp out of thin air. Its like being struck by lightening...Its rare and it changes you forever.

And I miss it.

Ryan said...

And is that why it hurts so bad when that connection is broken?

Sometimes the pain can be too great to get back and do it again, and what's that saying...

"It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never lost at all."

I often wonder how difficult it would be to meet someone and to NOT compare them to the connection I had with Ella, but I know that if I never give someone a try and allow them the same latitude of trust and openness as I did with Ella I'd never find out!

Jen said...

Its instinctive I suppose to protect ourselves from pain. Or from those who might have the power to inflict pain. Even if we know that it is unintentional on their part.

Most people who pass through our lives never have the power to truly hurt us. Its only those who we love and let inside that inner wall who have the power to crush us with their actions or their words. We give them that power by the simple act of letting ourselves be vulnerable to them.

We do that because we want to connect to them on a deeper level than the superficial one we show the rest of the world.

Its such a double edged sword. You have to risk it all to have it all.

For me it isnt a comparison so much as it feels like a betrayal to want to care about someone else that way. If that makes any sense at all.

Ryan said...

Yeah, I think it gets a little harder to open up to someone after being hurt.

Once bitten, twice shy.

I think this is why I prefer to take it a little slower than the rest, but with time passing by it's a catch-22.

And I think if you rush too quickly into being emotionally intimate with someone it can often scare the other person away - they may think you're too deep.

Personally I prefer drips and drabs, testing if you will, to see how the person responds. Time will eventually show whether they're ready.

And if, through much time, intimacy isn't there is the relationship solid? What if the intimacy is only physical?

Jen said...

Exactly...a lot of people rush physical intimacy and then think that first fire of attraction is love. When it fact its just infatuation thats confused by a physical relationship.

Its backwards and a mistake to do it that way and I think thats why so many people wind up getting crushed...they fall head over heels for something that doesnt have enough substance to last.

I have always believed if its real love it grows with infactuation is fireworks at first but will fade and fizzle pretty quickly too.

ps...I feel sort of scared sometimes of being hurt like that again. It was the best feeling and then the worst I have ever had. But I keep thinking...if you dont let yourself open up and at least try...then you might miss the chance to feel that way again...and to me that would be worse than ever being hurt.

Ryan said...

I guess that's the heart of intimacy: being a part of something that only you and your partner are only privy to.

So how intimate can one be with another physically if you know that you're not the only one who's been at this level?? It wouldn't feel *that* special.

Unfortunately I've seen it time and time again at how people are willing to go to the physical first, and then find when that area is exhausted (as the physical can never be satisfied it always wants more and more) they leave and look elsewhere.

If the emotional isn't there, and I'd like to add the spiritual as well, then the wheels will eventually begin to fall off in due time. Unfortunately for some this can be when it's too late (i.e. after marriage)!

I sure hope my sister wakes up before it's too late.

Jen said...

I agree with you completely.

And for your sisters sake..I hope she figures it out too.

Ryan said...

It was confirmed too... the package was from Andrew and he took her out somewhere last night too.


He's doing all the right things.


Jen said...

Well people can change if they want to. But alot of times they just want to make you think they have changed. Given enough time..Their true colors always show through. Another excellent reason to take it slow.

Ryan said...


A leopard never changes its spots.

Jen said...

Yep sadly this is true. Maybe if you cant convince her to stay away from him...just ask her to take things really slow and let him prove himself to her over time. If hes changed everyone will notice it..not just her. And then your mind will be at ease.