Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Does Age Matter?

Some say it doesn't. Others say it does.

I have to admit I've always been in the "it does" camp. My mate Willo on the other hand will take whatever he can get and doesn't care about the digits.

But why do I apply this standard, why is it important for a woman to be between a certain age for me?

To be honest I don't know!?!?!?

The earliest time I can remember using this "filter" on a chic was in high school. I was in my final year at the ripe old age of 17, and she in her first year at the tender age of 13. (I wrote about that crush back in September 2005.)

But back then I can remember the age difference between us being HUGE (well 4 years was nearly a third of her life!!), and I'll embarrassingly admit that I thought I was also going to be the laughing stock of my mates (but wasn't it illegal to look at girls that way before they were 16!?!). lol

So yeah I don't know why I thought that back then. I know we kept in contact for a couple more years after when I graduated, but each passing correspondence drew us apart. I guess she got tired of waiting.

It was interesting though how several weeks before the post on Willo's phone call Willo and I were discussing age... well... he was more like teasing and I was discussing.

I remember how it started. He began talking about some chics that he had met...

"... and then there's also Jess, yeah she's nice."

"But how old are all these women you've just mentioned?"

"They're young."

"How young?"

"Around 20-21."

Now Willo is older than me. So I let out a bit of a sigh. He had dated younger women before and the results weren't good.

"Dude, they're too young. They don't know what they want. One month you could be flavour of the month, next you're at the end of the line."

Willo laughed it off and then began his interrogation...

"Are you meaning to tell me that if the most perfect chic entered your life and she was 20 years old you wouldn't date her."

I thought about it for a bit.

"If she had everything?"

"Everything," he echoed.

"I don't think I could," I said, "it just feels weird dating someone 10 years younger than you. You'd be talking about things that she wouldn't understand because she hadn't even been born yet!"

"You'd talk about Astroboy on a date!?!?" Willo joked.

I laughed.

"I just don't think the maturity is there in younger women," I concluded hoping that was enough.

But it wasn't. Willo hadn't finished hypothesising...

"What if Livinia Nixon said 'Ryan, I want to marry you.'"

I didn't quite understand whether he was getting some enjoyment out of this, but I cringed at the thought.

"C'mon," he added, "she's a couple of years older than you. Are you telling me you wouldn't date the second hottest chic on the planet (behind Kate Beckinsale)??"

"Argh," he was making it tough and I paused for as long as I could hoping that something would interrupt us, "...I could probably make an exception for Livinia."

"Oh, so the standards are making room now, eh?"

He was getting some enjoyment out of this torture. I tried turning the tables...

"So how old is this Meagan chic you talked about?"

"No, no, I haven't finished with you yet," he continued, "so you're telling me that you'd date an older woman, but wouldn't date someone... what... 6 years younger? 7 years younger? 8 years younger? What happens if you're still single at 40??"

He had some good questions. What if I was still single at 40??

"I just think that through all the experiences I've had with women there seems to be a difference that occurs around 25 with them. It's like a switch goes on, or off. They're focus is different. If I were 50 and still single I would date any woman 25 years and older."

I cringed when the words spilt out... I knew his next retort...

"Oh, so you'd date someone half your age when you're 50, a whoping 25 years difference, but you wouldn't date somebody 10 years younger now??"

"Argh," I know I wasn't making any sense, back to Meagan I thought, "so how old was Meagan?"

"She's 26, but let's not get sidetracked here, we're working on you remember."

I was finished.

"Meagan's 26? Wow! That's like the first chic you've talked about who's only 5 years younger than you... rather than your average 10!"

But he wasn't.

"So let's say Kate Beckinsale is 20 years old, and she would marry you in a heartbeat if you ever popped the question. Are you telling me you'd say 'No, sorry Kate, you're not 25.'???"

I don't like Kate Beckinsale type questions. She gets dangled in front of me whenever they want to use her to turn me a certain way. (Yes, my friends are evil.)

"Ummm, I don't know," I said rubbing my face with both hands... trying to hide.

"No, you DO know. You're just stupid."

I liked Willo's bluntness.

"Okay, I would. I WOULD. I'd marry her, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!"

Willo was too busy laughing now. Another successful dangle.

"No more with using Kate Beckinsale like that, k?"

"What if she was 15," added Willo erupting into further laughter.

I think I picked up the heaviest object I could find and threw it at him... shame it was the leather couch! (ROFL)

But, yeah, I don't think he stopped laughing all day.

I don't discount that dating someone younger than my "preferred" 5-6 year age difference would really matter *that* much, especially if it's only a year or two, but I think they'd have to be something special if they were 10 years or younger (between say my current age and 35 anyway) and I know I'd definitely wouldn't date a teenager (that's just scary)!

But when a woman reaches 25 I think they have the maturity to date older men at whichever age they deem fit.

Anyway, that's my take on age, dating and women.

What's your take? If you're a woman and 25 or older would you date men much older (i.e. 40, 50... and dare I mention it... 60 year olds)?? And what if you're a female and younger than 25 - do you feel there's a difference with men between the age group of 20-25, 25-30, 30-40?

It'd be interesting to see what some of you think.

(PS - and don't worry Kate, I won't let them use you like that again.)


Jen said...

I am starting to love your friend Willo lol

I would love to be able to sit quietly and listen to a conversation between the two of you.

I already answered this question sort of on your other I wont bore you with a repeat answer.

Just enough to say I dont think you can judge every book by the age of its cover. I think sometimes you have to open it..turn a few pages and see whats inside. Only then do you truly know if its worth the read. If you get my meaning. : )

ps...I currently have a good friend who just had a baby with a man who is 35 to her almost 22. They seem pretty happy.

The oldest guy whos ever asked me out was 35ish...I think. I didnt go out on the date. But it had nothing to do with his age. It was more about his values as a person. Last guy I was seriously serious about was 26 heading toward 27. Id do that again in a heartbeat.

Ryan said...

Yeah you and Willo would get on just fine... and then I'd be getting it from both angles!! ;op

Hey I too have a friend who's around 35 and a wife who's around 22 and they too have just had a kid (a baby girl Morgan). Maybe it's the same folk??

Wow, you were asked out by a 35 year old! And what was the age difference between you and the 26-27 year old? 5 years? 10 years?

Do you also think that ego sometimes comes into play when you're dating someone much younger (for blokes) or older (for women)? I often wonder about Willo's true motives about dating much younger women - I know he flaunted his last gf because she was young and attractive.

I wonder if people do it to get on an ego trip proving that they can get someone much younger, or much older?? I think it would apply more to blokes more than chics though.

Jen said...

Yes you probably would. I dont really see myself sitting there quietly.

The age difference between me and the 26 year old...was 5 years. I met him when I was 18 almost 19...and we were sort of together until right before I turned 21. He is 26 now heading toward 27.

The age difference I dont think was ever an issue between us. I dont think we ever had any problem talking or relating to each other. In fact Im pretty sure of it.

Yes Im sure in some cases part of the attraction for a woman or a man to date someone much younger than they are is an ego boost. But then if you are picking someone as a partner soley based on the packaging..instead of the contents..You are already sort of screwed dont you think?

I mean if you are doing arent really looking for something real..You are looking for an accessory. Arm candy...a trophy wife or husband.

In the case of someone whos dating someone who might be a great deal older..there are many reasons...material, security..

I just think you have to at least be open to the idea that someone could be worth the time regardless of the numerical age they might be. Yes in a lot of those cases your formula for maturity will probably be right on the money and the bubble gum twirling..."like ya know" conversations will probably kill most of your brain cells. lol

Im probably over sensitive to this question..I guess I just want someone to like me or not like me based on who I am. Not how old..or where I live or what I have..does that make sense? : )

Ryan said...

5 years is a good difference in age between partners.

It's also the largest age difference I've ever dated and it went for nearly 5 years too!

(What's it with yellow and 5?? LOL)

But unfortunately the ego thing is what I perceive when I hear Willo talking about all his chics. I know with his last serious relationship there was a gap of 10 years and he paraded her around like a trophy wife to everyone all the time... and she had an IQ of a dead ant!

It was always painful trying to have the odd serious in-depth conversation with her.

And this was what killed the relationship I think between them... he finally saw the lack of substance. Shame he broke it off when they had just been engaged! That was hard.

Anyway, I definitely agree with you Jen, I shouldn't worry about how old she is but what she's like. I know with the standards I have in filtering potential women being at a certain age is not a prerequisite - so I don't know why I would filter someone out!

Lastly, I think I would probably worry about someone's "what I have" bit though, but probably not in the manner you thought when you typed it... I don't think I'd be willing to date anyone who has AIDS, or herpes, or any of those other nasties! So what you have is somewhat important! LOL

Fiona said...

First of all... HELLO again!

Second, wow, you sure have been doing some serious thinking here, haven't you?

I have no answers for you either, unfortunately, but maybe I'll blog myself about this issue, because I too cop similar lectures about similar things.

That said, I don't think it's wrong to have an "age filter" - in fact I think it's necessary, for both genders.

My age filter changes as I get older LOL, but it's always been no more than 12 months younger and no more than 10 years older.

I've allowed myself to stay open to the possibilities, especially in the "older" range, (In fact there's someone here that I quite like who is 13 years older. I'm open to it, but at the same time, hesitant...) but I just can't see myself with anyone younger. Don't know why, but I just can't.

I guess ultimately, age is just a state of mind and as long as those two people are happy and secure within themselves, that's all that matters. If they're secure within themselves then they won't care what anyone else thinks, or how ridiculous their relationship is perceived to be.

In fact, I will blog about this, to save your comment space! LOL

Ryan said...

Hey FJ!!!!!!

Nice to hear from you again girl!

I think all this talk about relationships and stuff might have a lot to do with the fact that there's been much talk around here about Valentine's day. I wonder if it's because of increased efforts by commercial stores in their marketing, or the fact that I'm dealing a lot with hormonal teenagers lately!?

Usually I don't know it's Valentine's Day until several weeks after the event, so yeah, I'm surprised just as much as you are!

It's good to see you've used age filters as well... and that you too are looking outside these boundaries.

But I agree, when you're in love nothing should come between you and your partner - whether it be age, or the opinions of others about the age difference.

I look forward to seeing in depth post FJ... and more about this man too! ;o)