Friday, August 17, 2007

How To Impress The Hot New Sandwich Specialist

I had to laugh throughout this week during lunch break.

See, there's a relatively hot new young chic who works at the local Subway store and for some "strange" reason there's been a large influx of blokes that have been having a new healthy alternative for lunch.

What once took me only 2 minutes to have my sandwich served and ready by a specialist now takes me 15 minutes!!!

But the reason I laugh is because of how some guys have tried to impress by doing such subtle things as:
1. Crossing their arms and flexing them being sure she sees their big... uh... big... errr... veins that pop out of their forehead?? (I think they're trying to show off their big arms.)
2. When she asks if they would like halapinos in their sandwich they reply with, "Oh yes, I'll have an extra serving of them."
3. When asked if they would like a cookie they reply with, "Only if they're as sweet as you."

Yes it's quite funny. I've even thought of doing my own "tool of the week", I can see it now...

HER: Hi sir, what would you like today?
ME: (thinking: You?) Foot long honey oat with chicken teriyaki please.
MY MOBILE PHONE RINGS.
ME (to phone): Hello?
HER: Would you like that toasted, sir?
ME (to her): Yes thanks.
ME (to phone): G'day Jim. How are you?
HER: What cheese would you like, sir?
ME (to her): No cheese thanks.
SHE PUTS SANDWICH INTO THE BIG OVEN THINGIE AND WE WAIT FOR IT TO TOAST.
ME (to phone): Oh yes, and how are we going with that *multi-million* dollar deal?
ME PAUSES.
ME (to phone): Oh ok, would you like me to come over and help finalise the deal? I can get in my *private jet* and can be there in 30 minutes if you like [ME PULLS OUT ROLEX WATCH AND LOOKS AT IT]?
TOASTER BEEPS.
HER: What salads would like please?
ME (to her): Everything please.
ME (to phone): Okay then well it sounds like you've got everything under control. Are you coming to my penthouse party tonight?
HER: Halapinos okay sir?
ME (to her): Oh yes, certainly.
ME (to phone): Well Jim I can come pick you up in my *Ferrari* if you like...
HER: Sauce?
ME (to her): Sweet onion... but only if it's as sweet as you. [ME WINKS AT HER.]
ME (to phone): Ok Jim, I've got to go, I'll see you tonight at the *exclusive members-only club* at Kings Park for drinks then.
ME HANGS UP PHONE.
HER: Would you like any cookies, sir?
ME: No thanks dear, I need to keep my figure trim.
ME CROSSES ARMS AND FLEXES AFTER HANDING HER A $100 NOTE.
HER: Uh, do you have anything smaller?
ME: No, I'm sorry, I've *only* got hundred dollar bills. [OPENS WALLET AND FLICKS THROUGH $100 BILLS TO SHOW HER.]
HER: Well okay, here's your change of $88.35 in 5c pieces.
ME LEAVES WITH A HEAVY POCKET... and possibly a heavy heart.

Hehehe...

Yep, it's quite easy to entertain myself as I wait in line for 15 minutes thinking what to do.

4 comments:

danish said...

...and then, as you leave, you could turn back and say, "Oh... by the way. My date cancelled, so if you're free, perhaps you would like to join us tonight?" while flicking her your spiffy business card. You know, printed in GOLD.

lol.

Though I'd have to say, if I were in her position I'd be too terrified to say anything to you!

Maybe you can just make a really cool entrance, like... sneak in through the air ducts like a secret spy, order, then leave the same way you came. Or speed into the parking lot in your sportscar and park all crazy in front of the door, order, and leave.

You might have to do that every time until she says something though. Good luck! ;)

Ryan said...

Hehehe... the business cards in gold... I know of someone who just bought 250 of the suckers for around the same price... hmm...

LOL

Victoria said...

*giggle*

danish said...

XP

Pfft, for the price I paid for 'em, they might as well have been in gold!

*grumble* stupid pricy cards... *grumble grumble*