Friday, June 15, 2007

Un Kin

The dentist yesterday wasn't much fun. Firstly, "Un Kin" - there was no Kim. When I entered the complex one lady asked my name and the other, upon seeing my confirmation, told me to come this way.

Nooooo.

I didn't want to go this way. I wanted to wait in the waiting room for Kimmy. I was even going to hold breath and stomp my feet until Kimmy came... but thankfully I didn't - otherwise I would've passed out - as Kim never came. She didn't even work today. *sigh*

Having been escorted into the "cleaning room" (aka torture room) I sat down on the chair and had the evil torturess "clean" my teeth. I suppose she felt that if she plucked out all my teeth I wouldn't have to worry about cavities ever again. Although eating through a straw for the rest of my life wouldn't be much fun!

Yep, I was prodded, drilled and then sawn in two with "floss" (aka torture wire).

In fact she enjoyed "flossing" so much that she shared the "joy" and had me hold a mirror while she showed me how to properly use the "torture wire".

By the time my gums had eroded to the bone she had had enough.

"Okay Ryan, now we are going to check for cavities."

"Eruay."

And off she went. More prodding.

"1RU2," she said.

"Uuh?" I expected an R2D2 like robot to come walking in, but alas she kept using her force.

"2MM," she said again.

Eminem? This conversation was getting weird, or maybe it was a new torture technique!?

By the time she had finished she had spoken some strange dentiff dialect that was just blowing my little analytical mind.

"You have a few cavities."

I wasn't surprised.

Dianne walked in and surveyed these cavities. It was then that I had a tought,

If I have to come back to get some more fillings I might be able to see Kimmy again!

"Ou an fine sum or." (translated: Go and find some more of these buggers!)

I was then x-rayed and probed some more, in the end they found 6 of these little critters.

"Oooool." (translated: Cooool!)

6 more chances to see Kim again!

Dianne and the torturess were a little surprised by my reaction. The torturess grabbed the sharp hook-shaped instrument and wanted to inflict more pain, but Dianne had had enough... my "cleaning" was done for the day.

After being given a gummy flouridated paste that looked and tasted like bruised strawberries (which I think was solely used to cover their barbaric acts) I was given my next appointment: July 4 (Independence Day!). Even though I felt as though I had bungeed off the Empire State Building with my teeth I skipped out of the dentist a happy smiling man.

6 cavities.

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