It's crazy how many cold callers I get in a week (at work mainly) who offer to provide some better new service to either my mobile phone or land line.
Take for instance today's "lucky" caller...
HIM [Indian accent]: Hello sir, how are you today?
ME: Good. How are you?
HIM: I am very well thank you so much asking.
ME: [pauses - thinking Ok, is that all you wanted to know?]
HIM: Is your number 0000 0000?
ME: Ah, no.
HIM: Your number isn't 0000 0000?
ME: Ah... yes.
HIM: Yes it is, or yes it isn't?
ME: Yes it is.
HIM: Okay, sir we are just transferring your account to a new phone line service where we will be able to save you some money.
ME: Ah... okay!?
HIM: How much do you currently pay with your current provider?
ME: I don't pay anything.
HIM: You don't pay anything?
ME: Yeah, I don't pay anything.
HIM: Why don't you pay anything?
ME: [thinking Because I've illegally tapped into my neighbours line and use his service... probably not the best answer] I don't own the land line.
HIM: Oh, ok. Can I speak to the owner of this telephone line please?
ME: I don't know who that is. [it's owned by a company so do I get all the shareholders?]
HIM: How about the owner of the house?
ME: I don't know who that is. [it's a rental property I have no idea who the landlord is!?]
HIM: How about the person who pays the phone bills?
ME: I don't know who that is. [is it the bank considering they're the ones who physically send the money? Or the person who signs the cheque? Or the person who writes the cheque to be signed?? I know, I'm being difficult Fiona will kill me.]
HIM: Is there anyone else there I can talk to?
ME: [looking around the office - everyone has gone out to lunch] No, nobody else is here but me.
HIM: So what do you do?
ME: [getting a little agitated now] I'm just the buglar. I've come to steal stuff.
HIM: [pauses] Ah, okay sir, have a nice day.
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