Wednesday, February 28, 2007

To Invite Or To Not Invite

Oh, one last thing...

My brother's wife who's having said party Sunday night (yeah Sunday night, you read correctly, we've got a public holiday on Monday - Labour Day... for women who are in labour... lol) where I was supposed to meet this mysterious married magical maiden maiden Joy has asked me to in return invite Karina as a replacement.

Hmm... I dunno.

I'll see how things pan out on Saturday. She might not even be able to do much after the triathalon anyway.

Hmm... more teasing ammo.


I can just imagine on Saturday saying to her, "I've got this party on Sunday night and I was going to ask if you wanted to come, but you're probably going to be too tired from the tri. Oh well, have fun."


If there's one thing I enjoy seeing with Karina it's when her jaw drops when I say things that most other blokes wouldn't.

Nope, I'm not falling for her hot athletic body, her beautiful smile and those gorgeous blue eyes. She might be able to wrap every other bloke around her finger, but not me.

But if she laughed... hmm, I could be hooked! Eeek!

We'll see.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Lunch With Special K

Karina has continued to stay in contact with me throughout the last couple of weeks (since our dinner), and while I've been extremely busy (no, seriously, I have) I was able to find a free Saturday this weekend where we could catch up again... if she was interested.

I play this "if she was interested" part because I knew that Karina would be participating in a triathalon this coming Sunday so when I spoke to her I told her that I finally had a free Saturday this Saturday, but as she had the triathalon the next day she probably needed to be in bed by... ooh... say... before lunch time!

"Oh well, maybe next time," I said.

(I'm evil aren't I?) >;op

But she wasn't going to let the opportunity slip and quickly added that while she didn't want a late night she was definitely available for at least a coffee.

"Well... if you're up for it meet us at the Barista cafe in Cottesloe at 1pm," I said.

"See you then," she replied.

It's a date... or a non-date date... or whatever it is they call it when you see someone who's a friend that could potentially be someone you could date but you're just not sure yet!?!?

Yeah... one of those.

It'll be interesting to see how we go this weekend - will she still be nervous? Will she laugh? Does she even have a laugh? Does she make me laugh??

Laughter is music to my soul, Karina... I want you to seranade me. :o)

I swear the missing spark hangs on just this little characteristic, but I don't want to tell her this - I want to see if it's natural.

A Married Woman?

Had lunch with the folks on Sunday and decided to pop the question about Joy. When you get set up with someone all of whom are a "perfect match" by the person setting you up you instinctively ask, "Okay, if this person is so perfect why are they single?"

I asked this question on Sunday and mum was a little uneasy on answering it. She tried to bumble a response, but it wasn't enough.

"I'm not being set up by an ax-murderer?" I joked.

"Well, considering she's not coming on Sunday and you may never meet her anyway I guess I could tell you," mum answered.

I didn't say a word and began continuing on with my lunch, awaiting how "broken" this chic was.

"She's married," mum said.

I nearly choked on the slice of tomato from it was I put in my mouth.

"I'm being set up with a MARRIED woman!" I blurted while I giving myself the Heimlich manoeuvre to remove the tomato lodged at the back of my throat.

"What??" mum couldn't quite understand amongst the coughing and dying what I had said.

After swallowing down the right hole, I gathered myself and didn't know whether to laugh or cry: laugh because I couldn't believe how low my brother's wife stoops at trying to find a partner for me, or cry because the tomato with basil was burning something chronic on its way down.

"I can't believe I'm being set up with a married woman," I hoarsely echoed like a Mafia godfather.

"She WAS married, I said, not she IS married," added mum.


Apparently Joy married at a young age (18-ish) to a bloke twice her age (40-ish). As far as I know the marriage didn't last long (everyone probably thought she was his daughter!), and she's been single ever since.

I'd still love to be able to meet her (purely because of her beautiful name), but, oh well, if it's not meant to be we move on... she may ruin the name for me anyway.


Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The Big Brown Owl's Blessing

My cousin's wedding went really well on the weekend.

I'm so used to the traditional church-type weddings that it felt kinda weird with a celebrant setting proceedings. Unfortunately she tried a few funny cracks but her humour was a little weird (and not to mention even funny?!)... although everyone laughed when she told the couple to read their vows before even pronouncing them husband and wife (now that was funny... and I don't think she even meant it!!).

After the exchange of rings the ceremony finally was given the blessing of the big brown owl. Someone recited something about the moon and the sun and the big brown owl blessing the new union and upon that we were all able to heave a big sigh of relief. PHEW - that was a close one! For a minute there I wasn't quite sure whether we were at a wedding or a Tupperware party! But thanks to the big brown owl everything is okay.

I couldn't even think of nothing better than having a big mooning brown-eyed owl tanning in the sun giving my wife and I his hooted blessings.

Thankfully there were no other awkward moments during the remainder of the evening and I have to say the food was just awesome!!

My only gripe was the two ladies who sat next to me - they continually got up and went up for a cigarette every 5 minutes, but then again... maybe I have that effect on women. Hoot hoot?


Friday, February 16, 2007

Valentine's Day

There was only one occassion where I ever received anything on Valentine's Day - it was 6th grade.

I had moved to what was now my 3rd school and having only been in school for 2 weeks (back then school started around the end of January after summer break) I didn't really know anyone... and I sure as hell didn't want to write a love letter to someone else's girl!

So what was a boy to do?

I know, I thought, I can write a secret love letter to myself!

So I did.

But I had great difficulty trying to figure out what to write...

"I love you Ryan."

"To my hunk of spunk."

"Forever yours."

"Kisses and hugs."

The lunch break bell sounded and everyone had to place their card into a box on their way out. I quickly settled with just:

From your secret admirer.

During lunch our teacher placed each Valentine card on the respective person's desk, and when we all came back from lunch when we sat down we were able to see how popular we were.

It wasn't until I sat down though that a sudden realisation swept over me as I stared at my blank desk: in the rush of trying to find something appropriate to write down in my card I forgot to write my own name on the front of the card... my plan was foiled.

"We also have someone who forgot to write a name on their card?" said the teacher flapping around my card.

I was stuck between a rock and hard place, I could either... collect my card and write someone's name down it and have them know who their secret admirer is, or... I could just play dead.

I played dead... it was safer.

"So nobody is going to own up to this?" said the teacher.

Nope. Not me.

The teacher then opened the card and read its contents. I just hoped that he didn't recognise my handwriting.

As everyone else was reading through their cards the teacher looked up and scanned the room, being the only one not engrossed in a card he saw me and began writing on my card.

Aw crap, he's recognised my handwriting.

I tried to shrivel up in my chair, but it was too late... he was walking towards me.

I quickly began thinking of something to say, but all my mind was throwing was blanks... maybe I could play dead... like, REAL dead...

"Ryan, I think I know who this was supposed to go to," said the teacher still flapping away at my card in his left hand.

"You do?" I said sheepishly.

"Yep," said the teacher, "being the new boy I think the person who wrote this forgot your name. This is to you."

He then handed my card back to me. I barely squeaked out a thank you and took a huge sigh of relief when he left.

Several of those nearby were all keen to know who it was, but I never let them see my card... lest they discover that it was my own handwriting!

But ever since then I've always wanted to know who that secret admirer was.


That has been the only Valentine's card I've ever received... one in which I had written it to myself! Have I sent out a Valentine's card to someone (and actually wrote their name on the card) - of course, but that's another blog post for another time.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Chemistry Class

I never really enjoyed Chemistry class in high school. I think it may have had something to do with the fact that there was a conflict between the teacher and I from the very first class...

"Please take a seat everyone and we'll get started," said a thin bearded bloke from behind a large central bench, "my name is Mr Fairclough and you shall refer to me simply as Mr Fairclough."

Unfortunately Mr Fairclough had been given an aptly rhyming nickname of "Fairlyslow" which matched his soft and, as you can no doubt guess, fairly slow speech. From the outset I knew this class was going to be difficult.

"We're going to start today with a fairly simply experiment," he said motioning us to move to our respective stations where chemicals, beakers and test tubes awaited.

"This experiment is known simply as the hydrogen pop test," he added whilst putting on a strange plastic-like apron that had ChepH written in black on the front. The girls giggled at the play on letters and a friend, Simon, leaned over and whispered, "I dare you to cross out the C, H & E and to write U, K & U on his apron," he said, joining in the giggling.

"UkupH?" I said, looking at him weirdly, "isn't that Zulu for 'giving'?? What do you want him to give you?"

"No, you put it at the end," Simon began to say, but I was already laughing back at his sick sense of humour knowing all too well where the U, K & U went... just not appreciating his crudeness.

By now Fairlyslow had turned his bunsen burner on and instructed us to do likewise.

"Just simply turn the knob and when you can hear the gas flowing, light a match and place it near the top."


Bunsen burners around the room lit up like candles at a Christmas carol. Ours went a little more slowly no thanks to Simon who taunted the chics next to us by demanding they pull his finger.

"Sy the gas outlet is here, dude, not out your backside," I said grabbing the matches and lighting our bunsen burner.

Fairlyslow was actually going quite fast and I had difficulty trying to keep up. Unfortunately Simon was no help now amusing humself by pulling his own finger.

"And now with your test tubes you will need to collect the gas once it bubbles," said the teacher. Simon decided that he'd put the test tubes to other gas collecting techniques and it wasn't long before Fairlyslow had ended his experiment where he showed everyone the purpose for collecting the gas - with a small flame he placed at the mouth of the test tube and a short high-pitched "pop" resounded throughout the room.

Several people clapped, others cleaned their pants, and everyone began popping their own gaseous test tubes. I didn't think this was terribly exciting so I decided to create my own "pop" - but I didn't just want any ol' "pop", I wanted a BIG one!

As I cranked up the bunsen burner I grabbed all the test tubes Simon had been using to collect his personal exotic gases with and I immediately set about collecting the gas emitted from our beaker.

"Now leave your equipment while it cools down and return to your seats," said Fairlyslow bringing our first session to a close.

As everyone frantically moved away from the benches Simon and I had our hands full holding our test tubes over our boiling solution.

"Quick, quick," Simon said, "before he sees us."

"Okay, I think that'll do it," I said looking at our now burnt and bone dried beaker.

"Where are the matches?" Simon asked.

"I've got them," I said and I handed the small handful of test tubes I was holding to Simon who could only *just* keep all the test tubes together with both of his hands.

Unfortunately though, just as I pulled out the matchbox and lit a match Fairlyslow walked over to our station and asked whether we were going to be troublesome students in his class this year.

"No sir, we were just cleaning up," I said as I stood there with a naked flame in my hand.

Fairlyslow looked over at Simon. Who as he turned to face the teacher brought the test tubes over the naked flame...

"No sir..." he began to say, but then that was all I heard.

Now I don't know whether it was the collective popping sound from all the hydrogen and other exotic gases that I heard, or whether that popping was the sound of my eardrums.

It didn't take long before Fairlyslow morphed (or should that be morpHed?) into a Fairlyfast and with each hand he yanked us by our ears outside. Both Simon and I were dazed, we couldn't hear a thing. Fairlyslow's face showed his anger, and although his mouth was moving at a rapid pace I couldn't understand a word he was saying... it was a small blessing truth be told.

As Simon and I sat outside for the remainder of the class we could only use sign language to communicate amongst each other - and even then that wasn't helpful because we could hardly understand what the other was trying to communicate!? By the time our hearing returned the class had finished and Fairclough told us to go and collect our things.

He gave us a lecture on the dangers of chemistry and even though we stuffed up many more experiments throughout the year Fairclough ended by saying to me, "Ryan, I don't think you'll ever get chemistry, but here's hoping that one day you do."

Well, I don't know whether what he said pertained to chemistry between potential partners but after Saturday night's effort I still don't think I've got chemistry.

Sunday, February 11, 2007


Well I'm glad pulling weeds and cleaning cobwebs allowed me to find a label for this strange empty feeling... disheartenment.

I feel disheartened because even though this woman satisfies my high standards she still seems yet so far away... as if she hadn't satisfied any of them!?

I think I'll take Jen and Likalia's advice and have a couple more coffees with her, but if after the next round I don't feel any different, and there's still no attraction, by the third round if there's *still* no difference I'm just going to have to let her know that we'll just be friends.

Hopefully by that time I would've nailed down a reason for why it wont work.

I'm also glad that I'm going to be busy over the next 3 weeks so I guess this break will allow me to freshen up before giving her another try.

(Oh, and BTW, I don't think Joy is coming to my brother's house warming party either... I knew this several days before last night's date so I'm not feeling this way towards Karina in trying to convince you that I'm not playing both sides. I guess it would've been nice to meet her though, but oh well... we move on.)

A Stoney Heart?

I think there's something wrong with me.

("Tell us something we don't already know," you're probably all saying!)


Last night with Karina went well. What started out as a casual coffee, ended up with dinner, but I suppose that was to be expected considering we had coffee at 5:30pm and after an hour of conversation we decided to keep it going by grabbing a bite to eat.

But when the night had finished and I reflected upon the occassion I felt empty. And for the life of me I can't figure out why!?

I mean, we talked about a whole range of things, we never had any silent awkward moments, she didn't appear to be too nervous, and I even saw her laugh (which is one of those strange silent laughs actually - which is probably why I couldn't remember it, and even then it wasn't a real turn off).

So why isn't there any attraction? Why don't I feel anything towards this woman? Is it the fact that I don't have a 9-5 job yet and therefore keep myself out of the dating scene knowing my shortcomings for being able to provide for my wife and family? Or have I grown too accustomed to the single lifestyle? Was it something she said? Or something she didn't say?

To be honest friends I can't pinpoint this strange lack of attraction to any of those questions.

It's frustrating. And being a bloke I want to know the why. I'm just not content with leaving my decision to the failure of not feeling anything - a typical blokey response, eh? And I also know family and friends wont be happy with my decision, especially those who set me up with her.

Hmm, maybe I need a heart transplant?

Thursday, February 08, 2007

It's A Date!

Okay, maybe not, but I gave Karina a call last night and although the call went awkwardly (she was on a hand's free and it was difficult at times trying to hear what she was saying), but through it all I was eventually able to set up a time and place for us to meet this Saturday for a quiet coffee.

One thing I really want to see is whether we share the same sense of humour, because you know... for the life of me, I can't even picture her laugh?? Which is odd because there are two things I never forget about people: one is their laugh (also at what they laugh at) and the other their smile, and while I can picture her nice smile, I can't with her laugh.

I don't even know if I've ever said anything that has even made her laugh!

Now I'm willing to concede that maybe she's a tad nervous, but my sister made the interesting observation that maybe *she* was the cause for Karina clamming up - as Karina may have been trying to impress member's of my family, who I all dearly love.

Never thought of that one.

And I know I've been guilty of trying to impress brothers and sisters of previous girlfriend's... so that actually didn't seem too outrageous.

Either way, it'll be interesting to see how it all unfolds.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Anybody Got A Flower I Can Pluck?

Somtimes I wish life were a little easier when it came to situations such as these, although if life were easier it probably wouldn't be as fun, right?

Ok, this post may get a little controversial at the end, and may even come across a little piecemealy... so brace yourselves!

Saturday night's party went well. My mate Jon was turning 30 (something which made me contemplate my big 3-0 later this year too!), and besides catching up with some long lost friends, most of my time was spent with a little 5'7" shadow named Karina.

Yes, the woman with the big beautiful blue broken eyes. ;o)

After I had said my hello's to those who I hadn't seen in ages she came over and sat down next to me and we set out on the usual "how have you been, how was new year's..." etc etc tangents.

But, being the odd-ball that I am I didn't decide to stay on this boring track too long...

"Having any toothaches lately?" I asked during a momentary pause in our conversation.
"What?" she replied - a little stunned that the conversation had turned onto her teeth.
"Well I have your toothbrush and toothpaste at home that you left down in Albany, and I'm just wondering whether you've been keeping your teeth clean?"

Not to be out done she replied, "Well I *did* go and buy another toothbrush and some toothpaste you know."

"Oh sure," I said in a playful tone, "you've probably just been wiping your teeth on your sleeves or something."

Her mouth dropped.

"See, I can even spot a few holes already," I continued pointing to her teeth.

Although her teeth were fine I could see she was blushing, I quickly changed tack - "Well I'm holding your toothbrush and paste hostage, if you want them you're going to have to fight for them."

But the conversation was interrupted with another long lost friend who came over and caught up with us.

After the lovely BBQ dinner I shared with other friends at a table Karina found a vacant chair next to mine and quietly sat down, I turned to her and began another interesting conversation.

I reminded her of a certain time in Albany...

"Do you remember when were in Albany and you said that you knew pretty much every physio in W.A.?" I asked.

She remembered, "Yes, why?"

"Well it just so happens that I know a physio and I asked him whether he knew you."

She looked a little harder into my eyes, I could sense a little tension, so I ran with it.

"And my friend told me a few things about you that helped explain certain things," I said stroking my chin in an Inspector Clouseusque kind of way, "he said, 'Oh yes I know Karina, she something something something... something something something.'"

"What did he say?" she asked.

"Oh, I'm not going to tell," I replied, "I may need him for further intel." :o)

I could tell she was beginning to get a little uneasy.

"Well I hope it's nothing bad," she said, a little worried of the opinion I might now have of her.

It wasn't.

"Well if it was really bad I wouldn't be here," I calmly said noticing that maybe there was something else a little more deeper here.

"So what's his name then?" she asked, a little too keenly.

"Oh, I'm not going to tell that either," I said cocking an eyebrow, "I don't want you putting a horse's head in his bed one night with a message 'keep quiet'."

For the next 5 minutes she pleaded for a name... and I didn't budge a bit. She even took a few guesses, but all fell short.

I could sense her change of mood, and I could also sense that she was somewhat concerned.

"Don't believe what anyone says," she pleaded, which made me now worry whether she had any skeleton's that were lying in the closet of this little girl's past.

Hmm, I thought, I really may have to get further intel from my mate!

Apart from those two episodes I was actually quite surprised at Karina in comparison to the last times I had met her, believe it or not she HAD somewhat actually changed... and there was likely a reason for this change too.

For those of you who've been to this blog you would've known from this post that Karina wasn't single during the previous times I had been with her (including the trip down in Albany).

During the party she expounded on what had happened after Albany with the relationship she had with that bloke... and it didn't go too well - for the bloke that is. She pretty much gave him the flick and told him not to come over from the other side of Australia, but he still did anyway. After several more unsuccessful attempts the guy eventually got the hint and left for Melbourne (FJ watch out!).

So at this party she made it well aware that she was single... *hint* *hint* *nudge* *nudge* *wink* *wink* and all that stuff, and, again, to be honest I was a little impressed at a slight change in her personality since my previous encounters, I mean, she actually made me laugh a few times!

(Yeah, I know, I was actually in shock the first few times and my laughs came out a little weird, but I had never seen this side before - was this a result of the weight she had released from the relationship she had with the bloke from Brisbane? Which actually makes for an interesting discussion point: you can generally tell how well a couple is suited together by looking at how each has changed - has it been for the better or the worse? Anyhoo...)

By the end of the night just as she was about to leave I got her digits. I felt the need to do some more exploring, if she hadn't of made me laugh during the party I wouldn't have pursued.

Could there be light at the end of the tunnel? Had her ex brought out the dark side? Hmm... I guess I'll find out more when I meet her next.

But now onto a slightly tougher point... I'm possibly being set up by my brother's wife who seems hell bent on trying to get herself in my good graces. And she feels as though this can easily be accomplished by setting me up with my future wife.

Well, if her history is anything to go by I don't really fancy her chances with this next one, however, there is a slight difference with this one though... in fact, there's two slight differences with this one (compared to the other 4!).

Firstly, my brother has seen this chic and remarks that she is quite hot (and don't forget my brother chased Karina one time) so at least we know that my brother know's what a hot chic looks like. And secondly this mysterious chic's name is Joy.

I haven't detailed much about this in here, but my grandma's name was Joy and my grandma and I were very close. When she was struck with cancer it was difficult for me to see her in such a fragile state. The love, the laughter, the joy that she was had been sapped from the cancer that infected her.

What was to be her last week on earth my parents asked if I wanted to come and see grandma in hospital. For the first time I declined to go. My parents understood. But several days later we received the phone call from my grandfather that she had passed away. I cried and cried and cried, and I think I cried so much that my tear glands have dried up ever since, but yes nana Joy - an amazing woman.

And if I were ever lucky enough to find that elusive woman who would want to become my wife (and who would actually want kids), I wouldn't hesitate in naming my daughter Joy. Which will make my introduction to this mystery woman VERY unique...

BROTHER'S WIFE [TO JOY]: Allow me to introduce you to Ryan. Joy this is Ryan.
BROTHER'S WIFE [TO ME]: Ryan this is Joy.
ME [EXTENDING HAND OUT TO SHAKE]: Hi, Joy, pleased to meet you.
ME: Joy... that's such a beautiful name.
JOY: Why thank you... my parent's picked it. [SMILING]
ME: Well occassionally I'll pick my nose... but you won't heat me bragging about it!
[okay I'll probably edit that line out!]
ME: Which makes me ask this rather odd question: are you a good Joy or an evil Joy? And I hope you're not a kill Joy... otherwise I'm going to have to call the cops!
JOY: [LAUGHS/SHOCKED] Umm... what?
ME: Well see if I have a daughter I'd like to be able to call her Joy, because there aren't too many girl's names that I like, and I don't really want to give her that name if there's an evil woman who wants to rule the world named Joy too. So it would really help me out if you could tell me whether you want to rule the world with your secret evil society... and if you like cats (all traits common of Dr. Evil in Austin Powers).

So how do you think that introduction will go? One that she'd never forget? Yeah, I'd like to think so too! :o)

But herein lies the problem: the party when this is likely to all go down is not until next month... 4 weeks away. Karina knows that there's nothing going on between us yet, but I'd think she'd be expecting at least a coffee or two together in the meantime.

Now to understand the controversial topic of this whole ordeal put yourself in Karina's shoes with the knowledge you now have about my predicament and suppose over the next couple of weeks that we've had a couple of coffees together (probably even a meal) and things have gone quite well.

If you knew that the guy you were interested in was keeping you at bay because of someone he's being hooked up with might be better than you in the not-too-distant future, how would that make you feel?

Yeah, not too good huh?

Anyway, it's getting really late, more about this later... and I'd love to hear your thoughts/queries.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Special K Returns

Went to a friend's party last night, have much to tell, but unfortunately someone went on a crazy bicycle ride today and is extremely tired.

Will tell you more about it tomorrow.

PS - Karina was at said party too.

Puppy Love

True to my word (to FJ) I attach some photos of Charlie. For safety's sake you want to view these photos whilst sitting down - I don't want your legs collapsing at the sheer cuteness.

(The Malamute is Dan's parent's dog which he's babysitting)

- quite an uncanny resemblance between dog and owner there, don't you think? ;o)

I don't know what it is with tails (or toes in my case), but Charlie tries to wrap her mouth around anything she can put her teeth into.

So how did I go FJ? Still standing... or sitting?