Saturday, December 02, 2006

The Hotel Of Horrors - Part II

(Part I of this series is here.)

I was a sight to behold for sure.

Water was everywhere.

The only alternative left for me was to change back into my old clothes and to search for a dry towel... even if I had to walk all the way down to the administration desk and get one.

My patience was wearing thin.

Nothing in here works.

As I placed my good clean clothes on top of the stuffed-up hand dryer I proceeded to put my shorts back on.

At least they don't smell as bad, I thought - something was at least going right.

But in all my scurrying around I failed to neglect a very small issue. No... wait, I never really FAILED to neglect it, there were just more pressing issues at hand that I concentrated more on and pushed this issue to the back...

When I placed my shorts out in front of me I opened them up getting ready to put one leg through.

...the thing I failed to neglect was how wet the floor was from the overflow that had come from my shower, and trying to balance on one foot proved very dangerous indeed - getting the first leg through was easy, it was the second that proved harder.

So as I motioned with my right leg raised ready to insert it into its respective part of my shorts my body tried to compensate for the change of balance and through a strange set of what begun as small hops, soon turned into one big flop on the floor.

*hop* *hop* *hop*



As I laid there on the wet floor I wondered whether or not it was even worthwhile getting back up.

Maybe, if I just lay here in the men's loos the water will eventually dry up and by that time the rest of my clothes will have dried too.

But no sooner had that thought entered my mind did someone walk into the men's changeroom.

In one super fast motion I fed my right leg through my shorts, pulled them up and stood upright.

"Arrrgh," my backside was sore from the fall and now I had a large wet circle on the backside of my shorts.

"What the...?" said the bloke who had just walked in, he saw me standing there, half-naked, and although he never said anything the expression on his face asked, "Just what the hell happened?"

All I could do was look at the mess, as though I too had just come in, shake my head and with disdain say, "Kids!"


I didn't want to have to go into detail about what happened, so I hurriedly grabbed my wet clothes and walked outside.

Okay, now what room was I in again?


I couldn't quite remember, but at least I could remember what the door looked like - it was right near the fire hydrant.

Okay, now where was the fire hydrant?

Upon spotting someone who looked like they knew the place, I asked, "Excuse me, do you know where the fire hydrant is?"

It probably wasn't the best question I could have asked. I mean, there I was, half naked, dripping like a soaked rat, asking what was probably the cleaning lady where the fire hydrant was.

What? You need more water? she probably thought.

"Well there's two on this floor, honey."

"Err, give me both."

"There's one that's just down this hall and to your left. And the other is down the other end of this hall, but on your right."

"Easy. Thankyou."

I made my way to the fire hydrant on the left and when I saw it I felt a huge sigh of relief.


As I didn't have the key to get in I had to hope Chris was still in the room.

*knock* *knock*

I heard a strange groaning sound, followed by a shuffling of some sort.

I probably woke the poor sod up, I thought.

Eventually the door swung open and a lady in her mid-50s stood at the door in a bath robe.

"Well hello," she said, "what can I do you for love?" she asked raising her arm up the side of the door and licking her lips.

"I'm so sorry. I've got the wrong room."

"Are you sure?" she said as she proceeded to reveal her left leg.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure."

As I turned to make my way out of there, she walked up behind and gave my ass a slap.

"Argh," I winced in pain from the fall I had in the men's changeroom.

"Come round any time," she whispered, "I'll give you a hand drying off."

I quickly hightailed it out of there, even though walking fast was a little difficult.

I'm probably going to have nightmares tonight.

My body quivered.

It was quite easy finding my way back to where I had met the cleaning lady. The floors at the Kingsgate are carpeted and my wet feet had left marks of where I had been.

Walking down the main hall and turning right proved to be the right fire hydrant after all.

After tapping on the door I was ever so thankful to see Chris' face.

"Hey, what took you so long?" he asked, "I was beginning to think you'd got lost."

"Me? Lost?" I tried to put back on a brave face, "What do you think I am? A woman!"

I used his towel to dry the remainder of my body off (which had pretty much fully dried by now) and changed into a cleaner pair of clothes.


Boy it felt good to get into something warmer.

Soon after I had applied some deoderant did both us hear a knock at the door.

Uh-oh, maybe that's the manager of the place. I'm probably going to get kicked out.

Chris opened the door.

"Oh, hello," said a somewhat familiar voice, "is there a half naked man in there?"

Oh no! It was the old lady from the other room near the fire hydrant!

As Chris turned around, I mimed a ferocious "NO!" whilst flailing my arms all over the place.

He turned back and as he slowly closed the door said something that I couldn't quite hear. She then said a few words, and soon Chris closed the door.

"Thanks, man," I said, "I bumped into her when I was trying to find this room. She'll probably come back and try again. Let's get out of here."

"Oh, I don't think she'll be back in a hurry," he said scratching his head, "I told her you were gay."


"But you know what she said?" he asked still scratching his head as I shook my head, "she said that explained why you have a sore ass."


"What concerns me," said Chris looking at the two single beds in our room, "is are you *really* gay, because I'm kicking you out if you are."

"Mate, you wont believe what just happened," I said beginning to laugh, "but let's go grab a bite to eat - I'm starving."

And with that we scurried down the stairs out onto King Street.

The night was just beginning.


Anonymous said...

Oh dear goodness, Ryan. LOL

To think you could've been some rich widow's toy boy and be pampered for the rest of your life... ;o)

LOL @ Chris telling her you were gay. I'm sure he won't let you forget this!


danish said...

Wow. That lady was pretty bold, huh~! That definitely makes for an awkward situation.

...though, it would be kinda funny if you randomly met her again in the supermarket or something. Wonder how that would work?