Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Oh, Eye See

Today I was testing my new digital camera's features and wanted to check out how good the zoom was. I wanted to put it through it's paces and looked around for something close that I could take a shot of.

And oddly enough I decided to take a photo of my eye!

(It probably would've been the funniest thing if someone had walked in while I was taking a photo!)

As I was doing this and looking at the resulting photos I was reminded of an instance back in high school... art class actually...

See, I thought it would be an easy class - all you had to do was draw, paint, sculpt and throw bits and pieces together and voila there you had it...


In fact my art probably spawned all the useless stuff we see around today... you know, the "art" where people just throw stuff on a canvas and have people pay big bucks for it? Stuff that a two year old can do... or a high school student in a rush to get out on the basketball court at lunch!

But it was during my young adolescent high school years that I used to draw an eye whenever I was bored.

Weird, huh?

Other kids graffitied, or tagged stuff, I just drew eyeballs.

Man I was cool.

And whenever I was looking (pardon the pun) for inspiration I'd just start drawing an eye - and it was amazing how I'd get work done when I'd find a piece of paper staring at me all day!

In fact, with one assignment it was the only inspiration I had... and as the last minute drew closer and closer I decided to draw a real big eye as my final assignment piece.

Grabbing a large piece of paper I tried my best at drawing a big circle (which proved to be far more difficult than I envisioned) that was going to be the outline of the iris. I then had to draw an inner circle that was going to be the pupil... at least a smaller circle was easier.

Okay, now what colour should I make the iris? I asked myself, you know what'd be cool... drawing my OWN eye!

How cool was that going to be!

I could see the A++ mark already!!

Alright, now what colour is my eye?

Even though I had looked at myself every morning in the bathroom before going to school doing my hair and brushing my teeth I really never noticed what colour my eyes were - I had a vague idea that I had two... but just what colour were they?

I asked my art teacher if I could be excused to go to the toilet.

I was granted my petition.

I hurriedly went to the boys room, went up close to the mirror and had a good look at myself.

Okay, they look brown, with a bit of green. Easy.

I scurried back.

Happy with the task at hand I quickly began colouring the brown portion of my iris.

I was cruising.

And after finishing the iris I began on the black pupil and completed it in no time... I was going to get this done in less than an hour!! Woohoo!

Unfortunately everything went downhill from here. My art teacher strode over, leant down to where I working on my masterpiece, and asked what I was doing.

"I'm drawing a big brown eye," I proudly replied beaming at how well my artwork was coming along.

Before what I said even registered my teacher was fuming. I looked at my work and saw two concentric circles: one brown outer circle with an inner black circle. I hadn't drawn the almond shaped eyelids, nor the eyelashes, or any eyebrows yet.

In fact, truth be told it really did look like a brown eye! (I was never that good at art and my circles really weren't that round! Eeek!)

Soon laughter erupted from my classmates which sent my art teacher bonkers. Next minute my arm was yanked from it's socket, my artwork ripped from off the table and she trumpeted me down to the principals office.

"I will not have you make a mokery of my classroom," she fumed.

I tried my best at explaining, but it fell on deaf ears.

"Now I know why you went to the toilet," she said, "you wanted to get a good look at yourself didn't you? You DISGUST ME!"

"Well I did, but not like that," I replied.

I could see the futility of my efforts at trying to reason with her... maybe it was that time of month for her.


As we stormed into the principals office we quickly discovered that he was out - I was lucky. My art teacher didn't want to hear anymore from me and knew that she had to get back to a now rowdy classroom.

"You think about what stunt you were trying to pull and come back after you've spoken to the principal," she spat as she stormed out of the admin office.

I sat there with my brown eye for awhile but nothing happened.

Stuff this!

I was drawing an eye, and I wasn't going to let her period pains stop me from completing my task. I looked around for a pencil at the admin desk (which was always vacant unless you were in trouble), and I began drawing the eyelids to bring better formation to my brown eye.

I was thankful that I was able to finish the almond-shaped eyelids to my eye as no sooner had I finished the principal walked in.

"What are you doing here, Ryan?" he boomed.

(I was that common in these parts that I was now known on a first name basis!)

"Hi, sir... I'm just doing... an... art... project... and wanted to... draw your eye," I blurted.

Boy was I glad he had brown eyes!

"Nice, Ryan," he said remarking on how close I got it to the real thing.

I was surprised too... I mean, if I really were doing his eye I would've painted it red not brown as that was all I ever saw of his eye colour!

"Isn't your class just about finished?" he asked as he slipped into his office.

"Ah, yeah, it probably is," I said regretting going back to the old cow, "can I ask a favour please sir?"

I heard the principal stop whatever he was fossicking for in his office and slowly move back to the door.

"What, Ryan?"

"Could I get your autograph on my artwork please sir. I think it would help me *greatly* add that unique personal touch. I might even put it in for the Archibald prize!"

I smiled.

The principal returned the smile and happily scribed his signature on my masterpiece.

I thanked him and quickly made my way back.

Not surprisingly I was met by the mad cow.

"I hope you learned your lesson, young man," she said.

I wonder if she even knows my name, I thought as she continued...

"What did the principal have to say?" she said as she raised her chip up.

"He liked it," I answered showing my artwork with his signature on it.

Her mouth fell to the ground.

It was priceless.

No... it was my the inspiration I needed for my next piece of artwork.

See, I told you drawing an eye brought inspiration!

Anyway, here's a shot of my "brown eye", which oddly enough seems less browner now than what it once was, but... then again I am colourblind...


danish said...

Reading your hilarity just made my day. Thank you! I like how that all turned out. Reminds me of karma or something like that.

But either way, kanpai to a story with a happy ending!

Oh. And I think your eye is hazel, not brown. 'cause if it was brown, it'd be totally brown all around. Right? Maybe?

Isn't it cool how hazel eyes have that green thing going on as well?

Ryan said...

Hey there danish!

To a colourblind person such as myself I could never really understand the term "hazel"??

To me hazel = brown.

Just like red = brown.

And purple = blue.

And yellow = green.

And pink = grey.

Yep, I got it pretty bad.

Although at least I get to run through red lights!

Jen said...

You have really pretty eyes.. Your color blind? Really? What is that like?

Your eyes arent hazel...

Ryan said...

Jen, it definitely had its moments in kindi where the teacher thought I was making fun by drawing a green sun, purple ocean and red trees! And then again in human biology class with those blot number tests.

If you want to see what I see, read this short post.