Saturday, April 29, 2006

Listen Up!

Great quote...

Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble.

-Frank Tyger

Very true, very true.

Friday, April 28, 2006

You'd Think Buying A TV Would Be A Simple Thing

The last couple of days have been filled with drama, suspense and comedy (well just what day isn't filled with some laughs in my life! LOL).

You'd think I would've been to see a few flicks at the cinema, but all this happened whilst TRYING to purchase a TV!

Here's how it all went down...

On Wednesday my mate Jon-Jon and I found the place where a mate of Jon-Jon's was able to give us a good deal on purchasing a new TV. Unfortunately he wasn't in on the Wednesday, so we postponed purchasing anything until we spoke to him... being yesterday (Thursday).

After talking for a few minutes I pointed to the plasma TV I wanted and was given a pretty good discount.

"Sounds good," I said after being given a quote, "I'd like to purchase that unit."

"Unfortunately we don't have any in store at the moment," said the store guy, "but we'll have them in by next week."

"That's..." okay I was about to say, but Jon-Jon piped up and said that it wasn't good enough.

"They're having a house warming party on the weekend," Jon-Jon added.

Oh crap! That's right!

The guy looked at us both saw the urgency in Jon-Jon's eyes and went to check whether any other stores had any unit in stock. When he returned he found that only one store had 1 unit left.


"They'll transfer the unit to you this afternoon and you'll be up and running for the weekend."


All I had to do was hand over the mulla.

"Alright, we'll I'll scoot to the bank and be right back," I said.

No real dramas so far, right?

Well... when I rocked up to my nearest bank branch the fun began.

As soon as I entered I noticed something a little strange... there were hardly any customers. As I approached the nearest teller, I asked to withdraw some cash from my account.

She looked at the cheque and said,

"I'm sorry sir, but all you can withdraw at the moment is $500."


"Our computer system is down and we can only do limited withdrawals."

"Is it just this bank?"

"No, it's nation-wide."

"When is it likely to be back up," I asked.

"Should be about half an hour."

Famous last words.

So, within half an hour and trying my very level best to remain calm I called the bank to see if their system was up and running.

"Try again in another half hour," replied the bloke on the other end of the phone.


I had this great deal, everything was going hunky-dory and now this.

For the next 5 hours I tried every half hour and was met by the same response. I talked to a few of the bank tellers on the line just to try and understand what was going on, I mean, you'd think a billion dollar bank that makes a billion-odd dollars in profit a year would have back-ups on their back-ups.

"There all down too," said another bloke.

I couldn't believe it.

I called the store guy to let him know of the situation, and I noticed a hint of skepticim in his voice.

"The second largest bank in Australia is down?" he asked.

"I know, sounds weird, huh?" was all I could muster.

"Can you scratch together a deposit and come back to the store before it closes?"


After maxing out my daily withdrawal limit from the ATM machine I placed the deposit down and told him I'd be back tomorrow... if the bank wasn't still down.

Fast forward to today and luckily the bank was back to normal (I brought my balaclava just in case! LOLOL).

Then when I rocked up to the store a problem emerged...

"The other store owner thought I asked for a 50 inch plasma, not a 42 inch."

What's a few inches among friends, right?

"We're not going to be able to get your plasma by the weekend, but I'll see if I can give you one for the weekend."

"Oh don't worry about it," I said, "it shouldn't be too much of a problem, but I'll just check with my sister in case she had some plans for the plasma over the weekend."

Luckily I checked.

When I called my sister demanded that we get something for the party this weekend, our current set up wasn't good enough to show everyone her photos of the trip she took to Europe at the start of this year.

Well I dunno, our current audio visual structure's pretty good don't you think? I reckon it'd make all the chics wild...

After hanging up I quickly told the store guy I'd definitely need to take him up on the plasma deal.

He scurried off and came back moments later,

"You can borrow an LG 42" plasma for the weekend, but have you got something to put it on?"

Ummm... would an ironing board be good enough?

Obviously not as he scurried away to check with boss if borrowing a stand would be approved. He returned moments later,

"You can borrow a cabinet too."


So, dear friends, I now await the delivery of my adopted baby.

Here's hoping there's no more dramas - otherwise I might have to start up my own soapie!

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Another Friend Another Set Up

Today I spent some time looking for a new plasma TV with my mate Jon-Jon.

As has often been the case whenever I talk to friends who are married, engaged, or seeing someone, the question of why I'm single rears its ugly head.

But there's a difference with Jon-Jon.

See, before we ever became friends Jon-Jon was someone who's reputation preceded him. He was known amongst many as a party animal, a ladies man, a funny guy, and a gorilla.

Ok, maybe not so much a gorilla gorilla, but he's a big bloke and boasts being able to rip a phone book in half with his bear hands (and no it's not down the spine - as I often tease him).

So before I ever met this guy back in my high schooling days I had him in reverence.

It wasn't until we met, of all places, on the basketball court, that we shared the same sense of humour among other things.

Oddly enough as I got to know more about him I found out how accurate his reputation was. I could even remember walking through Freo with him one evening and having nearly every second guy and hot gal come up and say G'day to him.

Everything was true.

Being shy at the time I learnt a lot about what made him so successful with the ladies, which proved a handy education for me at the time being raised in a strict Dutch Reformed private school.

I was able to see what set him apart from all the other blokes as Jon-Jon was neither wealthy nor Brad Pitt. What I saw was that...

1. He never idolised women. I never once saw him act in a way that would put a woman he was with ABOVE him. I know there are some guys that would give their left nut to be even seen with an attractive woman, heck, I'll even admit it and state that I used to be one of those guys, but Jon-Jon never cared. He would approach an attractive woman the same he would any other woman, but I will admit though: when a couple of attractive women are around ONE bloke, that bloke doesn't need to do too much to have other attractive women approach them!

2. He made them laugh. Do I really need to expand on this?? I talk about it nearly every second post!

3. He listened. This took a little while for me to SEE. Being a bloke I think we have some condition where the Y-chromosome has some muting properties, but Jon-Jon was an attentive listener. He wouldn't just nod and do the "Uh-huh" thing that most blokes do to try and make it seem as though they're listening. He would ask pertinent questions that would keep the conversation going. I often wondered if he ever went home and talked to himself in front of the mirror for a few hours just to let out the back log of stuff that he wanted to say!

I learnt a lot from Jon-Jon about women than anyone else, but it all came from observing and learning.

Anyway, fast forward to today and during our drive around the place he asked me if I knew a...



"A hot friend of mine."

I looked at him with a queer eye.

"Your brother knows her."

I was still drawing a blank.

"Your brother was trying to date her."

Oh no, I thought, the quality of woman he's with now doesn't bode well for the woman he tried to chase!

"Anyway, I'm trying to hook you up with her."

Before the next thought registered he quickly added...

"And I'm not afraid to tell you that either."

I never really think it's the element of surprise that annoys me with being set up, it's more the quality of person I'm likely to be set up with (as per here). I mean, if somebody knew me REAL well and knew the type of woman I'd be attracted to, then setting up a casual meeting wouldn't hurt me in the slightest.

I'm scared of those who DON'T know me and yet believe they've found "the one" for me!

"Your parents met her the other day too," he added.

Ah yes, now I remember... Karina made quite an impression on my folks, all I've ever heard from my folks was the night they met her and how wonderful she was.

Now I understood why they were voicing such approvals around me - no doubt trying to get some psychological thing happening.

"As your mother and Ali [Jon-Jon's wife] were speaking to Karina, I pulled your father aside and said to him that she was the woman I was trying to set you up with. I remember your father wrapping his arm around me and smiling," he grinned reflecting on the moment.

His grin was almost an evil grin - it seemed the whole world has been plotting against me!


Does Karina scare me?


I'm glad that Jon-Jon has been behind the scheming of this one as he's seen, met and known every woman I've dated (my brother's fiancee on the other hand hasn't seen one).

"So what's the catch?" I asked sensing something was amiss.

"She's gone back to work," he replied.

"Where does she work?"

"Oh, you know... nice and close... like... England."


Oh well, it was the thought that counted, right?

I wonder if I can fit London in on my trip to the States??


Sunday, April 23, 2006

Destiny Is Calling

I dropped my sister off at the airport late last night on a short trip with her best friend to the Gold Coast.

Being a teacher she gets all those great school holidays PLUS gets paid to be on those long holidays!!

(I'm strongly considering taking up teaching)

Why the Gold Coast? You may be asking.

Well, the version she is telling everyone is that it's just for "a holiday", but there's more to this than what meets the eye.

See, several months ago a good friend of my sister's got married (what was I saying about everyone getting married in my last post??) and at that wedding my sister met a bloke who was family to the bride. After much laughter and talk my sister befriended this bloke and wanted to find out more.

(And yes I deliberately included laughter because this guy apparently makes her laugh... what have I been telling you folks?)

As the friendship continued my sister soon found out that this guy was born in Perth, was raised and is currently living in Brisbane, but is now seeking to come back to Perth to live.

(I know, that last bit sounds kinda corny doesn't it? Anything to keep a woman "interested")

Anyway, he flew back to Brizzie a week or so after the wedding and has been keeping in touch with my sister every once in a while since then.

Fast forward to last night and my sister was off on a plane with her friend to the Gold Coast.

As I helped her with her luggage I hugged her goodbye and left saying,

"If you get hitched I'm changing the locks."

Hope she has a good time!


Finally A Familiar Face

Since moving north I've been attending a few churches in the area hoping to find one that fits, but I've also been hopeful in finding some familiar faces.

Unfortunately over the last few weeks I've had no such luck.

It seems all the people I once knew from my younger years playing ball, attending combined church camps and conferences (etc) hasn't seen even ONE familiar face.

Which has struck me as being quite strange - has everyone moved everywhere but up here??

But today I was able to catch up with one such familiar face.

Attending a nearby church I finally caught up with an old friend that I had met from a church camp a couple of years ago.

And boy have things changed since we last met.

Daniel ended up proposing to his woman of 5 years last year and they're getting married this August!


(Is it just me or is it true for other 25+ year olds that everyone around you seems to be getting married?? I guess when I hit the mid-30s it'll be "is it just me or is everyone having kids??")

Anyhoo, he invited me to come to the evening service where I'll catch up with his fiancee Mel (who I also know) and we'll be having dinner at some pasta place after the service.

I'm going to try and pick their brains on where to find a good Japanese restaurant...

I'm dying for some miso soup!!

Friday, April 21, 2006

Lady Paula

Many many years ago my mate Willo was single.

Well, I guess, in a way, he's kinda single now, but as he keeps hanging around his ex it's kind of hard to determine whether the on-again-off-again is back on again (if that made any sense?).

Anyway, last time Willo was single he had quite an array of female friends of which he used to talk about occassionally.

On one of these days he spoke about one particular woman that for some strange reason "felt" as though she would be the one for him.

I can't fully recall what he said that day, but it was either something that he said about her that I knew he was attracted to in a woman, or maybe the way he said it (I think my feminine side was having it's monthly period... eeek!).

But then that was that, and all I got was a name...


Or as he called her,

"Lady Paula."

Oddly that name stuck with me, which was strange considering he had so many lady friends and talked about each one whenever the time arose. And it wasn't as if the name was anything spectacular, I mean, it wasn't a Charissa, or Amber, or Kate Beckinsale, BUT there was something about that woman that remained in my head.

It wasn't until he hit a low point a couple of years later and needed encouragement that I asked him about Paula.

"She's gone," he sobbed.

"What? What do you mean she's gone?"

"She left the country."



I then tried my best to explain why out of all the women he had spoken of before this woman remained in my mind.

He listened and took it all in, but as she was gone any attempt to try and left his spirits at that point in time was as effective as a lead balloon. I realised I was giving him a fake hope and quickly tapered off the conversation and changed track.

Fast forward to yesterday...

Willo received a phone call from a friend and as the conversation continued my ears pricked at the sound of one name...


When he got off the phone he looked at me and said,

"You're not going to believe what just happened."


"I was talking to Dan and out of the blue he just said that Paula was back!"

(Dan knew that Willo and Paula were good friends)

My eye's widened. I couldn't believe it.

"Paula's back," he echoed staring off into the distance his mind whirring away.

I love it when stuff like this happens (stuff from left field) even if nothing eventuates it sure makes the current moment exciting.

Here's hoping something DOES happen.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

What's In A Smile?

Yesterday I was caught watching Ghost Whisperer starring Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Now I seriously don't care much for the plot, heck, I don't even know what's going on half the time, but there is one thing I keep my eyes on... and yes, that'd be Jen.

Seeing the show on TV my sister rolled her eyes and said,

"Tell me your not watching this show because of her."

"I am, actually," I replied.

"Let me guess: you're attracted to her long hair, right?"

"No, although it is nice."

"It's her figure then?"

"No, but again... it's nice."

"Well what is it then?"

"Her smile."

My sister rolled her eyes and laughed.

"Oh no, not that lame ass answer again."

"Woman, I'm serious. I'm an expert in this field."

"How possibly could Jennifer's smile be any different to any other woman's??"

I've personally seen and made many many women smile throughout my lifetime, and when you've seen so many smiling faces you "see" a lot about that person (especially at what they laugh at too).

Now there are several women in my life where a smile quite literally lights up their whole face - you can tell their happy because even their very eyes are smiling!

Some examples of such women that I've seen include:
  • Kate Beckinsale

  • Livinia Nixon

  • Jennifer Love Hewitt

If you study these women you'll see that when they smile their whole face lights up (watch the eyes especially). Whereas if you look at women such as Toni Pearen (from Australia's Funniest Home Videos) you'll see that when she smiles or laughs it's strained and forced.

I could give more examples, but I'll wind this up.

So yes, some blokes know a lot about breasts, legs, and... did I say breasts? But a bloke such as myself knows a lot about a woman just from a smile.

So what's in a smile?

Well if a woman wants to get my attention...

A lot.

Keep smiling.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006


I tried to remember this quote about a month ago, and couldn't for the life of me remember it. I was a complete bumble bee (more bumbling than beeing) to the person I was trying to quote this to.

Hopefully now it's on here I'll know where to turn if that moment/person returns.

Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.

- Elbert Hubbard

Monday, April 17, 2006


Easter wasn't very festive for me this year.

I had a mild case of the flu and I'm still trying to get over it.

And no it didn't come about by gorging myself senseless with chocolates.

Ever since I went to Tasmania and entered Cadbury's chocolate factory my craving for chocolate went from YAY to NAY.

I tell ya the stench of that place was unbearable. I can remember during the tour they provided the group with samples. The first few samples were taken up by each and everyone, but as we continued down into the bowels of the factory the sample taking grew less and less desirous for chocolate.

At the end the tour finished in a Cadbury shop where everything was at wholesale prices... and did you think anybody bought anything??


I don't know whether Cadbury's still offer those guided tours but I don't think it did anything for their product.

Although just last week I was talking to a chic who worked in a chocolate factory and when I questioned her about the stench she replied that she loved it! Maybe West Australian chocolate is better?

I'd be lying though if I told you I don't eat chocolate whatsoever. There's one type of chocolate that I wouldn't think twice about eating the whole bar, box and factory if given half the chance.

It ain't Cadbury's and it ain't Margaret River's...

It's Cocolo.

I highly recommend the milk hazelnut version if you so happen to get your grubby little hands on a packet before I do.

That chocolate is divine.

I'd better get going because in the dark this keyboard is beginning to look like a big hazelnut Cocolo bar...

Now I'm Settled

Strangely enough I received a message from my ISP late this afternoon that my broadband connection was now active (today is a public holiday in Australia).

So much for it taking around 5 business days!

But hey... I'm not complaining.

So now I'm finally back to normal.

To test my new broadband connection I cranked up Google Earth and calculated the distance I travelled on Saturday - it ended up being 27km, which I was a little surprised at considering I was sooo buggered after it and yet I used to ride 50km 3-4 times a week!!).

Anyhoo I'm off to put this super fast connection through its paces.


Sunday, April 16, 2006

Get On Your Bike

Yesterday I dusted off the ol' bicycle and went for a big biking bog lap.

I decided that I would ride up Lake Joondalup's western side (which has the full track) "chuck a lefty" at the top of the lake until I hit the beach. Once at the beach "chuck another lefty" by heading south until I hit Ocean Reef and then "chuck another lefty" back home.

And believe me it was waaay easier said than done.

(Especially since I haven't ridden for about a year!)

Anyway, the ride went well and the first beach I hit was Burns Beach...

The only "beachable" place to Burns Beach was it's northern part (which looks like a good jogging beach too!), seen here...

Everything else was rock and reef. As seen in the following pic after riding a little ways south...

And the houses have nice views...

Well at least I know which beaches are going to be the best for next summer:
> North of Burns Beach, or
> South of Ocean Reef.

(Anything in between is rock and reef, although good for riding a bike over!)

"You Deserve Far Better Than Me"

As my sister also attended last night's dinner we had a good discussion in the car on the long drive back home about dating.

There were several things that my sister confirmed that I thought I'd share with some of the blokes on here.

Probably the most insightful revelation was the fact that women hate it when guys say things like:

"I don't know why you're going out with a guy like me."
"You deserve far better than me."

And other similar wimpy behaviour like this.

Why does it irritate women?

Because it makes YOU seem inadequate. Your woman will now begin searching for those qualities that confirm you are indeed an inadequate man for her.

Not good fellas.

Take what Will Smith said when an interviewer asked about what his wife thought about women who throw themselves at him, he smiled and quoted what his wife told him when he no doubt asked the same thing to her by replying,
"Women don't want a man that other women don't want."

(Which, if you think about it can tell you a lot about why women are very strong with one particular emotion than men - more on that later)

And yes I've been there and done that. I've told women that I'm not worthy (etc etc) and it seemed that no sooner had I mentioned such things that the relationship took a U-turn and the attraction dissipated.

But thankfully I've learned from my mistakes and no more Mr. Wimpy (as opposed to his sidekick Mr. Whippy... LOLOL)!

So if you're dating a woman, fellas, and you think she's "the one" don't blow it by bowing down and worshipping her and saying such stupid things. Surely the fact that a woman is spending time with you is enough to convince you of the fact that you ARE indeed worthy to be in her presence.

In fact, what you should probably do is reverse it by teasing her and saying how lucky she is to be with a guy like YOU!

She'll start thinking in the exact opposite way to how she was with the wimpy man, by looking for those qualities in you that are attractive to her.

Think about it.

The Saturday Night Setup

I must be getting in touch with my feminine side because last night I was right!

(Right about what? Read about it here)

Yep, last night at Sandrino's in Freo I was in the presence of not just one single woman, not two single women, not even three single women, but FOUR eligible spinsters!

I suppose my brother's fiancee thought that the harem she had arranged for me would help me find that suitable partner, but unfortunately it was no, no, no, no all round.

Here's how the four lined up:

Single woman #1 was Carlie's best friend (you know the one that hardly laughs?). She was single AGAIN. Last time I met her was at my brother's engagement party (a couple of months ago) where she was hanging off a bloke, it seemed *that* relationship didn't last long.

(I think the first time I met this woman, about a year ago, she was actually married!?)

Single woman #2 I knew from a previous church that I attended during my teenage years. I can remember during that time, at that church, being attracted to one girl named Melita, but I'm thankful it never eventuated into anything as, now, I fail to see what the hell I was thinking/feeling!

Single woman #3 was from my old high school and I recognised her - but there's only ONE woman who I would've dated from my high school years.

(Yes my high school really was that bad - the only thing that kept me sane in my final year were the bus rides TO and FROM school where I entertained Kristy by making her laugh and show off her pearly whites!)

Single woman #4 I had met at a bible study some weeks before and found she didn't smile or laugh. In a way she was the blonde version of woman #1 (woman #1 is brunette).

So as you can no doubt imagine I was thrilled at the selection.

In fact when my brother and his fiancee arrived she came over to me and told me that these women all came here FOR ME!

I know she was more than likely playing, but man it got me angry.

I'm thankful my loving sister had a few words with her in the ladies room before we left that night.

Anyway, just thought I'd let everyone know I'm still single and I don't need any help.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Photos Of Home

Here's a couple of photos of our front yard (?!) that I quickly took the other day.

The eucalyptus tree on the left there will be stripping tomorrow - it was a little windy last night and all you could hear was leaves and branches scraping along the guttering!

Very annoying.

It's a shame everything is closed today otherwise it'd be stripped today.

More photos later.

Joondalup Bog Laps

There's one thing you can't do in Joondalup (the city equivalent up here) that you can pretty much do everywhere else (well at least south of the river anyway).

You can't do bog laps!

I drove to the Joondalup Lakeside Shopping Center this week and decided to circle around the complex to see where the best spots for parking were... and wouldn't you know it - you can't go all the way around it!

I couldn't believe it.

Anyway, I didn't think much of it until last Sunday afternoon when I decided to go for a jog around Lake Joondalup.

There I was running around the big ass lake when the track just stopped!?

I looked up and saw that if I wanted to continue my bog lap around the lake I would need to start jogging on the lake's firebreaks. Now while jogging on firebreaks is nothing knew to me (I used to jog around Woodman Point's national park all the time) I found it weird that doing circles around things in Joondalup just wasn't happenin!

After jogging through firebreaks which then gave me no alternative but to jog on the main Wanneroo road I eventually completed the bog lap jog in about 3 hours!!

So there you have it: north of the river people haven't understood the circle yet!

That Sinking Setup Feeling

It wasn't too long ago (probably a couple of weeks ago) when my brother's fiancee and I were talking about women.

I can't recall the exact reason on how we got onto such a topic, nor how it ended, but there was something she said that etched into my skull.

From memory I said something like,
"That's what my woman will need to do." (or something to that effect)

Where she then replied,
"I'm working on that."

Those very words frightened the crap out of me. I don't know if I laughed, cried, or ran away, but I remember what she said as if she were saying those very words right now in front of me.


Moving on to this week I received a phone call from her.

"What are you doing Saturday night?"

I did have something planned, but it wasn't set in stone yet.

"I'm going down south with Jon-Jon."

"I thought your sister told me that was called off?"

The trip down south was looking like it wasn't going to eventuate, but I didn't want to play into her hand too soon.

"I'll have to contact him during the week to see if it's still on. Why? What's all the fuss about?"

"Adam and I are having a dinner party at Sandrino's in Freo on Saturday night and I'd really like you to be there."

The way she said it came across as a little desperate. My feminine side was beginning to super analyse the length, breadth and height of HOW she said what she did.

On Wednesday we all caught up at my parents place where they celebrated their 31st wedding anniversary. By the end of the night my brother's fiancee pulled me aside and asked if I was still coming.

This time I was able to read her body language - something definitely was up.

No sooner had she pulled me aside had my mobile rang with Jon-Jon on the end explaining that the trip down south was off.


"You're coming," my brother's fiancee stated.

O crap.

I had no reasonable excuse to exit, so I agreed: at least I'll have a good meal.

Now if my fears are to be realised this Saturday I don't fear the setup as much as the type of person I'm going to be set up with. See, as some of you may have read in my previous post about how my brother's fiancee isn't the type of woman I'd spend much time with as she hardly laughs/smiles/has any sense of humour - I had the "privilege" not so long ago of meeting her best friend.

And several things dawned on me when I met this person (I forgot her name).

Have you ever heard of the saying:
You are the company you keep

Well having met my brother's fiancee's best friend I thought her face would cramp up if she ever smiled or broke out in laughter. Her lips were so tight I thought she had a double chin.

I'm serious folks, this woman also scared me.

So as you can no doubt appreciate these women that my brother's fiancee associates with aren't, shall we say, don't get very far with me.

I just hope I'm wrong about the whole night.

I guess we'll wait and see.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

From A 45.2kbps Connection

Did I ever tell anyone how much I love broadband?

I can't believe I remained SANE during my earlier internet years at 28.8kbps!!

Yep, at the moment I'm connected from home, but on a lousy dial-up connection.

*heavy sigh*

I contacted my internet service provider today and told them about my change of address and after spending about 30 minutes trying my very level best to understand (and remain calm) to the deeply Indian accented lady on the other end of the phone from my internet service provider's support desk I was told that it would take 5-10 business days.

5 to 10 business days!

Let's see.

Tomorrow is really only a half day. Friday and Monday are days off, therefore next Tuesday is 1 working day, Wednesday 2 working days, Thursday 3, Friday 4, Monday 5, Tuesday is ANZAC day (public holiday), Wednesday 6, Thursday 7, Friday 8, Monday 9, Tuesday 10 - being April 30th!

That's like 18 ACTUAL days without the internet!


And... she informed... it will cost me $100 for this privlege.

After picking myself up off the floor I strained a "Thank you" and hung up.

I then went back to my folk's place, borrowed their broadband internet connection and set about opening a new account with another provider.

After a couple of hours of research I found an extremely good one, and they even threw in a free backup dial-up account!

Now that's customer service.

And they also said that I should be on the information super highway with my super fast broadband connection within 5 business days tops!

Better than 10 from my old provider!

Anyway, the dinosaur dial-up days are back for now, but hopefully not before I lose my sanity.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Just A Quickie

The move to Wanneroo went as smooth as moving house can be.

Unfortunately our phone line will not be connected until Wednesday, therefore I'm going to be incommunicado until then.

If everything goes smoothly with connecting the phone I'll be back Wednesday avo.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Last Minute Packing

The exodus from Winthrop to Wanneroo starts tomorrow.

The removalists have me a little worried calling today to tell me about their company's problems.

I had to continually convince the guy that my move was going to be a piece of cake - not taking any more than an hour and a half tops (and I'm allowing an hour to drive there!!).

Well, hey I'm a strong bloke, and if he brings a partner that's three strong blokes so we'll have nothing to worry about.

I can't wait till I move into the new house.

My sister informs me that a work colleague may be staying over as she has just hit some complications with moving from her house to another.

Details are sketchy, but I told my sister that if she can cook she can stay, if she can't... well, best we're going to do for her is to sleep out in the garage!


I guess I'll find out more tomorrow.

Before I go one thing I forgot to check with this new place was whether or not they have internet access.

Hold on... let me rephrase that:

One thing I forgot to check with this new place was whether or not they have BROADBAND internet access.

I can't live without broadband... and I seriously don't want to surf the net on dial-up speeds.


I've just had a flash-back.

On my inspection of the property I can remember nearly tripping over this cord that was connected from the kitchen to the study/third bedroom. I looked down at it and thought,

"Who in the heck puts wires along the ground?"

I think I know what that wire was, and it's giving me bad thoughts...

That was a telephone extension wire from the phone in the kitchen to the study/third bedroom.

Oh crap.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

These Boots Are Made For Walking

I've said it many times in this blog, and I'll more than likely say it a few more times, but I'm a firm believer that women are attracted to men... real men.

While this is nothing new under the sun I do believe that certain "men" fail to grasp this concept.

One such character, who will remain nameless, had to take his woman's shoes back because she THOUGHT (yes you read correctly - THOUGHT, she didn't actually know, just "thought") that the shoes he bought her for her birthday were too small.

Did she ACTUALLY try them on?


Did he ask her to try them on?


So she thought the shoes were too small without even trying them on?

Yes, that's correct.

(And you thought *I* was weird?)

So what happened?

Well dear friends, would you believe that this poor fellow had to drive all the way to the shoe shop and change his beloved's shoes - just a leisurely hour's drive away (and no this place wasn't on the way to something we were travelling to).

Upon arriving at the pink shoe shop I quickly discovered that this was a no-go-Y-chromosome area and I told my mate I'd wait for him outside. As I waited outside I didn't know what was more foolish: standing outside a pink shoe shop or standing inside!?

So I casually walked next door to a furniture place advertising some lousy sale on their dining suites.

In the meantime a mass panic ensued inside the girls-only pink shoe shop. Apparently they didn't have the next size up for the shoe that my friend's woman wanted.

Heaven forbid the world keep rotating, huh?

So what happened?

Thankfully the shoe shop had a similar styled though different coloured shoe in the next size up and this appeased the goddess when she returned contact to the shop's mere mortals.

I couldn't believe it.

I was shaking my head in the car in disbelief and couldn't help but laugh.

My Y-chromosome wanted to slap someone silly.

"What?? Are you telling me you wouldn't have done the same thing for your beloved?" he asked, hoping to trip me up on some insane misogynistic belief.

"Mate, I'd never even contemplate buying my woman shoes in the first place. I'd make sure she's capable of dressing herself!"

And to think she never even tried them on??

I was still having difficulties digesting *that* piece of info.

I don't know what it is with blokes sometimes it's like we idolise women and believe they can say and do no wrong.

Here's an epiphany that I came across several years ago: women aren't perfect.

I've heard it so often said that it takes a grown man to say he's sorry, but how often have you heard a woman apologise when she is in the wrong?

It's as if women have this belief that if they apologise her status is now a little lesser than the animals!?

But it takes a grown man to apologise.

I think it takes a bloody miracle for a woman to apologise!

In fact there were times when I picked up on a mistake my woman made and all I received was a hug and a smile as an "apology", but heaven forbid if I made the same mistake - it would have been more comfortable if I had been castrated twice on the same day than having go through her antics of making a mistake!

So, I quickly realised that I wasn't going to have a bar of it no more. If a woman's wrong she's wrong. If she can't swallow her pride and does something stupid by saying she's going to leave then don't trip on the way out.

Whatever happened to real men?


As you can tell I'm a little angry, and I'm not even the one being walked over!!

I just hate it when men have no balls.

Outta here.

Boys Hide A Hoe

Today Chris and I caught up again for lunch.

Just after we had finished placing our Japanese order (have I ever tell you how much I LOVE Japanese food??) he pops out with,

"Boise, Idaho."

I had no idea what he was talking about, initially I thought he was talking about a group of chics on a nearby table.

"Boys hide a hoe... what??"

"No, Boise Id-a-ho."

"Mate, I don't know what you're on but you'd better keep off it. What are you, speaking in tongues or something?"

He laughed, enjoying my confused state no doubt.

"My uncle lives in Boise Idaho."


"No... ID-A-HO."

We both laughed.

I asked Chris if he had heard back from his uncle but as he hadn't had time to check his email he said that he hadn't.

Oh well, at least it's a start.

Now where the heck in Idaho??

Doesn't sound like it's near a beach to me.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

The Mystery Woman On My Phone

"Whoa? Who's that?"

Asked Chris after glancing at my mobile phone's wallpaper as he set about editing my contact list.

"Who?" I asked not knowing what he was talking about.

"The chic on your phone," he answered pointing to my phone's wallpaper.

I glanced over at my mobile phone and squinted at its display - I knew what was on it, but I was hoping to buy some time for generating answers on the eventual questions that were about to come.

See, several month's ago Kate Beckinsale's face glistened on my cell's display, but as I couldn't find any good pictures of her smiling I stumbled across this photo of a chic that had a gorgeous smile - so I replaced Kate.

(I can't believe I said "replaced" and "Kate" in the SAME sentence!! Eeek!)

"I don't know her name," I replied.


Chris thought I was playing.

"Come on man, what's her name?"

"I'm serious dude, I don't know her name."

I wasn't lying.

"Well where did you get her picture from?" he continued.

"Off the net."

I was still trying to buy some time.

"Well gee, that's just narrowed it down to about a bazillion web sites."

"It was on some dating web site," I blurted out knowing all too well that this was going to bring up a whole slue of insults.


I continued on hoping to douse the flames...

"I was doing some personality test online and I ended up searching around in the U.S. on single women and I saw this chic and was mesmerised by her smile."

I said it matter-of-factly hoping that my unemotional response was enough to douse the brewing insults.

He digested this new information for a little and then asked,

"Do you mind if you send her to my phone?"


So I've changed my placid phone from a simple contacting service into a highly contested and competitive ground for the chic with the best smile. If any potential dates want to be on my phone they're going to have to beat the titleholder.

Here's the current titleholder:

Isn't she hot?


Oh ok, the REAL chic is...

Cammy was a close second.

Cheese Cake

I'm all barbied out.

This weekend I was invited to two BBQ's... autumn seems to bring out this kind of activity in people in Perth.

I'd be all barbied out just with today's feast at my good ol' Indonesian mate Kemal's place... boy can those Indonesians cook up one heck of a feast!

In fact whenever they invite me over I always tease them by telling them that I fast ALL WEEK prior to coming over, just so I can even put a pinch in the quantity of food they serve up.

And I like the diversity of foods they create each time I come over.

There's always something new too, and they always warn me on which foods are spicey and chilli hot before I dive in.

I'm a big believer in eating a diversity of foods. I personally believe that by doing so you'll broaden your palate when you're older and also prevent your body from getting any nasty problems.

But getting back to Kemal's party...

Near the end of the party Kemal's wife offered me some dessert. Initially I refused because I was just so full, but when she said "It's cheese cake" my stomach took the better of me and made my head nod up and down.

A few seconds later she returned with the strangest cheese cake I have ever seen - I just had to take a photo of it...

It's actually laced with grated cheese!!!

I couldn't believe it.

A cheese cake with actual cheese!

I had to chuckle.

And then proceeded to find it extremely difficult to swallow (there's actually chunks of cheese INSIDE too!).

They all loved it, but I had to pass... I was seriously too full.