Thursday, January 26, 2006

North American Women

When you've been travelling in the car with a single American bloke from Oregon for 6 hours you're bound to speak of a whole range of topics... including women.

It was interesting getting the "take" on North American women from Jake during my trip to and from Busselton.

After we'd exchanged the usual questions I decided to jump straight into the topic,

"So, what are Oregon women like?"

Without batting an eyelid, or concerned at the change of topic Jake answered rather matter-of-factly,

"No good."

I had to check so I quickly asked,


"Yep," Jake answered, staring off into the distance, "there's no hot chics in Oregon, you have to move south."


"Yeah, you know, to California, but you need to be careful of Mexican women there."

My geography of the U.S. of A. was a little rusty, heck, I didn't even know where Oregon was. The only thing I really knew about the geography of the U.S. was that Florida is on the south-eastern corner of the U.S., New York is somewhere near the the north eastern corner, California is on the south western corner, Alaska is the north western corner, Texas is somewhere in the middle to the south, Kansas is in the middle (I think?), and Hawaii is out in the Pacific somewhere.

That's pretty much what I remembered from my geography and North American history school classes (and don't even ask what states are where in Canada - I've got no clue - at least in Australia we keep it simple, we have states that are easy to pick out geographically, like Western Australia [which means that it's on the western side of Australia... duh!] and South Australia [which means that it's on the southern side of Australia... too confusing huh?] and the Northern Territory [which means that it's on the northern side of Australia... complicated stuff huh?] ;op ).

So as you can see when someone mentions they're from the U.S. and from some OTHER state bar those mentioned above I have NO idea where they are.

Continuing on with our theme I delved a little more,

"What are native Californian women like then?"

He moved his head to the side and pondered this thought for a little while. It seemed as though he was processing all the Californian women he had met and trying to gauge some sort of a consensus on what they were like.

"Mmmm, not bad, better than Oregonian women though"

I didn't know how to take this so I pressed on the negative,

"Well what women should be avoided?"

Without hesitation he answered,

"Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi..." he tapered off and with eyes wide open he looked at me and emphasised the next one, "Canadian women."

He paused making sure I fully understood.

"Canadian women?" I asked.

"Yep, be careful of Canadian women."

"Why's that?"

I wanted to probe, to find out more. I knew Canadian women were weird, but I wanted to hear it from an American.

"Just everything - they've got hairy legs and hairy armpits..."

Well this was no surprise to me, Jake continued on...

"And the ones on the east coast that speak French... they're just so arrogant."

I could see that he was getting quite distraught, obviously Oregon must border Canada or something, but he had several encounters with Canadian women (even if it were just from watching TV) that scared this poor little soul.

I decided to reflect on something positive,

"Alright, so which American women are the best?"

Having snapped his depressing line of thought his face shone and he radiated a smile, then, without hesistation melted and said...


You know what? I think I might go now.

I mean who wants to know what state has the best American women according to one single bloke from Oregon? If I start spreading the news every man and his dog might go to this state and by the time I get there there'll be no women left!

So maybe I should just keep this little secret to myself... and buy a plane ticket to Hawaii.



Yep, that's right, the best women in America according to Jake are Hawaiian women.

They're active, they wear bikinis all the time, they're tanned, they're trim, they're beach aficionados, they keep their hair long, they're active, they have great smiles, did I mention they were active?

So yes, out of all the places Jake has been he found it terribly difficult to leave Hawaii.

In his melted state he then turned the conversation over to Australian women...

But I'll save that for a later post - today's Australia Day and it's perfect weather for the beach.

Outta here.


mandy said...

Hey now...I am from the South--texas to be exact. And Southern women are the best...we wear bikinis and play on the beach, and while Hawaiian woman may be "active" Southern women and ethnic women like Hispanic women are extremely passionate.

Ryan said...

Hmm... I might have to travel to Texas after passing through Hawaii then!


I know Texas has beaches, but Texas has never been known for its beachfronts - I mean the only beaches that are notorious are Californian, Hawaiian and Floridian beaches.

Do you have any pictures of what Texas beaches look like Mandy?

All I can picture is oil rigs.