Monday, December 05, 2005

The Cooking Test

There will come a point in a woman's life where the relationship with her man will be tested by her man.

You can throw sticks and stones at me, call me names if you will, but the truth still remains - the test needs to happen before the man will get down on bended knee and propose.

What is this test? I hear you ask.

The test of having a cooked meal made by the hands of his woman.

Now if you're a woman and you're completely freaked out about this new revelation, you obviously would never have heard of the saying, "A way to a man's heart is through his stomach" - but don't be alarmed... I've got some tips.

See, us blokes are quite forgiving. You can still pass the cooking test even if your meal bums out. All the test tries to prove to the man is that our woman isn't completely useless... and yes, believe it or not, there are useless women out there who have no kitchen sense at all.

I personally know of one attractive chic who has absolutely NO kitchen sense at all. I feel sorry for her because she thinks she'll be able to wing it on her good looks. She's been in for quite a shock so far in life having gone through several relationships, in fact, the longest relationship she has had has been with a bloke who knows HOW to cook! But even then the relationship didn't last.

So what is a woman to do if she doesn't want to end up like my female friend?

Well ladies, you've got one of the best allies in the world right under your very nose: your own mother. Some of the best cooking tips and tactics on keeping a man drooling for you can be found inside your very own dear sweet mother, and you'll obtain this knowledge for FREE if you open up to her wisdom.

And what better way to further the all-important daughter-mother relationship than plotting away on cooking up a mean feast for a man.

All this talk of food is starting to make me hungry...

I'm outta here.


Jennifer said...

What if your mom's a bad cook? Then you'll just perpetuate the cycle.

Ryan said...

Hi Jen!

I'd recommend two things:
1. Invest in some cook books and get creative (put your own twist on the recipe once you've perfected the meal), and/or
2. If you have the time and money go to a couple of cooking classes.

I'd prefer the first option as I'm a bit of a creative freak and would just distract my colleagues in class if I went on a course (just like my school episode!)

If you can find a couple of male guinea pigs it will help your cause all the better - as they can be test cases.

Hope this helps,

Shelly said...

I've known this info for a while. I'm not a bad cook, it's just that I'm not a creative person. I also don't really like cooking. I guess I'll just have to suffer in order to impress that special guy. lol I should probably start practicing my cooking skills, just in case I meet him. lol

I have a question for you: Can you cook?

You know that you're going to have to cook for HER sometimes too, just to give her a break and to show her how much she means to you. That is a BIG gesture where I come from. I'm sure you already know all this, you're a pretty smart guy.

Ryan said...

G'day Shelly!

Good question.

It depends how you classify "cook".


Due to my colourblindness I have to admit that I'm pretty pathetic when it comes to cooking.

Unless of course eating unripe foods is my future wife's "thing" - in which case I'm the iron chef!!

(Speaking of unripe things that's probably why I like verjuice dressing so much! Never thought of that.)

I'm afraid all I can slap up is a mean pizza.