Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Blondes And Inflatables

Today after a hot and sweaty workout I went and checked the pressure of my Betsy's tyres - for those who have no idea what "my Betsy" is it's my good ol' 1988 Toyota Camry car (most people laugh when I tell them the name of my car, but Betsy doesn't get offended) - anyway, as I tried inflating air into my tyres I noticed that the air hose wasn't working - nothing was coming out!?

I tried wiggling the hose, tightening the ends, trying all sorts of stuff on it, but for the life of me the stupid thing just wouldn't work.

As I stood to make my way to inform the staff about the problem a car full of chics rocks up and parks in an adjacent bay.

"It's stuffed," I said pointing to the hose as the blonde hopped out of the car, "I'll go and see if the staff know anything about it."

I don't know whether the blonde registered what I had said, or whether I was talking in her tongue, because when I came back with a staff member she was using the air hose on her tyres!

Or should I say "trying" to use the air hose on her tyres.

As her back tyre deflated from the lack of pressure on the hoses' end she stood up stared at her new predicament and for a moment there I thought to myself,
She probably thinks she sucked the air of the tyre!

But perhaps the crazy thing that this blonde did was proceed to the next tyre to see if she could perform that "magic trick" again!

If I had taken 5 minutes more to grab someone from the store I would swear that the blonde would have deflated all 4 of her tyres to the ground and driven off!

But as luck would have it the staff woman and I came to the air hose area before sje could do any more damage and the staff lady asked the blonde if she could see the hose.

"Oh, I'm nearly done," said the blonde.

"Apparently it's busted," said the staff chic.

She looked at me and the staff lady a little puzzled and said,
"I thought it was doing something weird, but I was going to test it on the other tyre to see whether I wasn't just seeing things."

I had to laugh.

I'm sorry, but I couldn't hold it back.

I tried muffling it, but the best I could do was turn away and rub my mouth with my hands.

Another blonde moment.

As the story would end, the staff lady took the air hose and tested it using sophisticated wiggling techniques that I had done only moments before.

"Yep, it's buggered," she announced.

It was official now.

The staff lady told the blonde that they were going to have to drive to another local petrol station to get air, but after looking at the damage done to the back tyre of the blonde's car I asked if she had a spare tyre to replace the now deflated one.

"No," said replied promptly, "and that's why I'm here silly."

Before I could mention the likely hazards of driving with a flat tyre and offering a hand to help the blonde she sped off with her brunette friends to the nearest petrol station down the road.


Blonde women,



Shelly said...

OMG! What an idiot! I can't believe that girls, not just blonde ones, can be so stupid. It's incredible. I'm not saying I'm some genius, but dang! I even know when the air is coming out and not going in. Wow, I think there should be classes on how to maintain your car, for women. But, whatever.


P.S. Sorry but you weren't even close to guessing my name. I'll give you a are about nine letters off. ;)

Anonymous said...

Nice attitude! I love that you lump all women, in particular blondes, as being stupid and incapable of taking care of their cars. I suppose what this woman, who does sound pathetically clueless (though I'm guessing it wasn't due to her hair colour) needed was a big strong man to take care of her and her car. Maybe that's what she went off in search of.

Ryan said...

Dear Anonymous,

I think it is a universal fact that women just don't know how to take care of their cars. Heck, I could be a rich man if I created a "Dummies Guide for Women" about how to take care of their car... but, doing so would put the majority of men out of work!

As for the strong man slap... nice.

I tended to think that it was my good looks and hot sweaty body that turned her away.


Anonymous said...

Why would she have been turned away by your good looks? I'd have thought that maybe she would have asked you for help......

By the way, I can take care of my car (or at least figure out whether or not air is coming out of a hose!) AND I'm blonde. I guess I'm an anomaly.

Ryan said...

Dear Blonde Anonymous Woman,

She didn't turn away from my good looks - she was embarrassed on what she had done in front of a gorgeous bloke and quickly high-tailed it out of there!

I've seen women do it all the time... they'll stare at me as I go walking past and then walk into a wall or some other immovable object.

Women do the silliest things.

...And if I weren't so humble I'd be perfect.



Anonymous said...

I'm impressed!!
It sounds as though the women of Australia don't stand a chance against you! Is that why you hide behind the picute of Kate Beckinsale?? It really must be difficult to be humble, nearly perfect, and gorgeous...poor you.

Ryan said...


If I were to show true pictures of myself then I'd put Google's Blogger out of business due to the immense bandwidth capacity needed for all those women out there who would flock in great droves to see me.

In fact, I have to wear a balaclava or Bugs Bunny mask whenever I'm in public otherwise I'd never get any shopping done!


Anonymous said...

wow. Now you've definitely piqued my curiosity!
At least you have a good sense of humour about these hardships you face...Although something about your blog tells me that you'd actually love the attention your looks get in public. However, I guess the humbleness sneaks in every now and then.

Ryan said...

Well Kate, having a good sense of humour only extends to as far as the other person's sense of humour.

I'm glad your one that shares in similar tastes.

Thanks for your comments.

Now go get some sleep.

Very humble,

Anonymous said...

It's not quite my bedtime yet but thanks for the advice.