Saturday, September 10, 2005

It Should Only Take 10 Minutes

If there's one thing a man should often challenge his woman with its to be ready in 10 minutes.

I can remember one night I was with a friend who had just been given exclusive tickets to an event. The only problem was that the three tickets he was given were for tonight. I knew my woman at the time longed to attend this event but I wasn't quite sure whether giving her such late notice was enough to get her to the event.

Stuff it, I thought.

If she can't get ready in 10 minutes then there's something wrong with all those makeup commercials that guarantee beautiful this and that in 10 seconds flat.

Well... I was about to put this all to the test.

My friend and I jumped into his car and began to speed towards her house. I dialled from my mobile phone and she picked up her phone.

HER: Hello?
ME: Hey babe, my friend and I have got tickets to that event you wanted to see in Perth.
HER: OH great!!
ME: There's only one small problem.
HER: Oh?
ME: The tickets are for tonight.
HER: Oh...
ME: You'll need to get ready within 10 minutes.
HER: WHAT???
ME: YEP, you've got 10 minutes.
HER: But I'm in my pyjamas???
ME: QUICK! We haven't got long!!
HER: Is this joke?
ME: Woman, I'm telling you we're in the car driving towards your house as we speak and we have three tickets in our hot little hand.
MY FRIEND: (yelling) HURRY!!
ME: You'd better hurry you've just wasted 30 seconds...
HER: I'm not going to be able to get ready in 10 minutes!
ME: Woman, you've got no choice. I'm picking you up whether you're half naked, in PJs, or fully dressed... we're going. So hurry.
HER: Oh my gawd... Okay!
ME: (whispering) What pyjamas are you wearing?
* PHONE DISCONNECTS *

It must have been a miracle, because on that night she did get ready within the allotted 10 minutes, everything went smoothly.

But did my mate's woman and tonight go smoothly?

Noooo.

Firstly, she decides to wash her hair. If any bloke is waiting for a woman and she's in the shower washing her hair sit down grab a coffee, sip it slowly and wait about 30 minutes AT BEST. On average expect her to come out of the shower after about an HOUR!

Secondly, when you go to a restaurant and they specialise in serving a particular type of food order something from their main suite of specialities. If you order something on their menu that is outside their scope (but which they offer for those who don't have a broad palate) then it's your own stupid fault if you get a "lousy" dinner.

Lastly, if you're going to test who has the fastest wit be prepared - you may lose. As we left the restaurant we were all thankfully blessed by a great whiff of smoke from a group of young blondes standing outside the door.

MATE: (coughing) Isn't it terrible when you see an attractive chic sucking on a cigarette.
ME: (coughing) Sure is.
HER: (coughing) Well then, I best give up smoking then. (laughing)
ME: He said "attractive chics".

On that note, I'm outta here.

Ryan

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