Tuesday, July 26, 2005

It's Never Just "Nothing"

The worst thing a guy can ever do is take what a woman says and then apply it logically.

Case in point:

Whenever a bloke asks a woman, "What's wrong?" and the woman replies with "Nothing", the worst thing a guy can possibly do from here is take what his woman says and then move on.

In some cases it would probably be MORE comfortable if the bloke went and got castrated rather than take what his woman said and apply a rational and logical process to it: i.e. DO nothing.

It's even worse if this supposed "nothing" (which is really "something") is about her man - the man (while being castrated) may as well go and have his heart, brain and stomach removed too!

So, what is it with women and these "It's nothing" answers?

I have no idea.

If I were to give a guess I would say that women are trying to soften the blow of whatever it is they're about to lay on you. If you continue to probe and you continue to press it intensifies the moment and heightens the final punch where the woman has no choice but to blurt out whatever it is.

I dunno... I'm not a woman.

If you haven't had experience with this before here's a rendition of my first incident with it many years ago...

ME: What's wrong?
HER: It's nothing.
ME: Oh come on... it's gotta be somethin?
HER. No it's nothing.
ME: Well how come you're acting strangely all of a sudden?
HER: I'm not acting strange. I'm fine.
ME: Are you sure it's nothing?
HER: Yes it's nothing... don't worry about it... it's nothing.

What more could I have done in that situation?

Kept going around the mulberry bush??

*sigh*

Later that evening the supposed "nothing" came out.

It was the first and last time I ever let a small "nothing" pass by my door again.

Next time it came out I was fully armed and ready...

ME: What's the matter?
HER: It's nothing.
*BRAIN HEARS THE MAGIC WORDS "IT'S NOTHING" RECOLLECTS WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME REGISTERS PAIN AND THEN PROCEEDS TO PREPARE*
ME: What do you mean it's nothing?
HER: It's nothing.
ME: Are you sure it's nothing?
HER: Yes, it's nothing.
ME: If you don't tell me what it is I'm going to tickle you so hard that you'll be peeing your pants.
*SERIOUS LOOK TO HER*
HER: *PAUSE* Well...

That broke the ice.

I wasn't quite sure whether it was the serious look, the tickling threat, or whether she didn't want me castrated a second time. Either way it produced the intended results - I got "nothing" out of her.

So gentlemen be warned! When a woman says "It's nothing" it's not nothing. If you don't handle the situation correctly you're more than likely going to lose something very special... and it might be very painful in how it is extracted from you!!


Ryan

PS - every woman has a ticklie spot.

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