Saturday, July 09, 2005

Does This Make Me Look Fat?

I learnt my lesson with this question a LONG time ago.

Initially I was taken by surprise and had no idea of what the real motive was behind it. So I replied the way most blokes do and said,

"Nope."

Unfortunately that answer wasn't good enough.

"So you think I'm fat?"

Bewildered at whether or not my answer was actually heard the first time I threw out the same answer again,

"Nope."

Unfortunately this second answer wasn't good enough, and the first one HAD been heard.

"You think I'm fat."

"Didn't I just say no?"

"Well I didn't like you answer."

"What did you expect me to say?"

"The truth!"

"I just did!"

Then for the remainder of the weekend I'd spend it in solitary confinement as if I had just slapped her mother across the face.

In my solitary confinement I learnt many things.

I learnt that there really isn't a correct answer to that question.

OBVIOUSLY you can't say YES, otherwise you'll be in a similar situation to what poor old William Wallace was in (see closing last scenes of Braveheart to understand).

And you can't JUST say NO hurriedly because they will know that you've been preprogrammed to say that and that it truly doesn't reflect your opinion.

Both of these answers I knew before the question above was asked. So, I tried a third option, say NO, but pause before answering - as this would make her think that you actually thought about your answer.

As fate would have it, this wasn't good enough either!

It seems that if you pause too long you really DO think she's fat, but you are thinking of ways to escape the question! So that even if you DO answer "No" she knows that you really wanted to say "Yes".

My goodness.

We just can't win dear fellas. I think it's best just to say "Yes" while wearing protective clothing similar to that of ice-hockey goalies!

But no, there is a better way...

If you do answer yes for goodness sakes preface it with something cocky and funny. If it's no preface it with something other than no.

Some answers to the "Does this make me look fat?" (or "Do I look fat in this?") are:
  • "No, it makes you look fantastic." or...

  • "Yes, I think you should take it all off." (laugh)


Now the last one is a joke and is a great way of laughing away the question.

Work at some of your answers should you ever be given the "privilege" of being asked these types of questions... and where possible be humourous about it.

Women enjoy a bit of fun.

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