Saturday, July 30, 2005

Burning The Winter Fat

Right now I'm not moving.

I've been on what seemed like a marathon and my legs are no longer responding to any external or internal stimulus... they're like logs.

So what brought this bout of insanity on?

Well... today I figured it was time to start jogging again. Winter, I thought, has only one more month and then we enter the glamourous spring season followed by the ever superb summer months.

So, today I went out to the streets and shot some hoops followed by a jog to the river and around the bridges. I don't know what the total length would have been but my legs are aching.

But I still love jogging... amidst the pain.

See, jogging has helped me in so many ways throughout my life. Everything wasn't rosy many years ago when I was struck with a severe case of bronchitis.

To put it in non-technical terms I was a lazy slob and my body was paying the price - with my lungs being the worst.

I was striken with this disease for 18 months before I decided that the doctor's medicine wasn't helping and that the only way I was going to get rid of it was by being more active.

So I took up jogging again (yes, that's no typo - "again" - another time I'll detail other jogging stories)... and by the time I started jogging I had moved to Coogee, which was great because now I was able to combine my love of jogging with my love for the beach.

Nothing enthused me more every day than going for a jog along the beach... regardless of how crap the surf was. All that mattered to me was the smell of the beach and the crisp clear water after a hard run.

And so it began.

Within a matter of months I was able to rid myself of the noxious flem that had built up in my lungs, and I lost about 70 pounds in weight - I was back in shape.

So as you can no doubt imagine jogging brings back good memories. I enjoy the pain (and no I'm not sadistic) the pain is a good pain and you feel great once you arrive at your destination and collapse on the floor!

IT'S GREAT!

Anyway, today I decided to start again. In fact I started jogging as soon as I moved to Winthrop - however, I found it difficult to carve out a jogging track due to the lack of a beach as all Winthrop had to offer was an oblong shaped pond.

Woohoo! Fun times! I thought when I saw what was on offer the first time - no doubt I'd have to do about 1,000 laps of the thing just to break sweat!!

BUT... Winthrop is close to the river.

And that was where I ventured today.

Unfortunately it was further than I thought!

BUT... I'm alive. I made it, I done my bog lap of the place and my heart's still beating. I might look like I've had something rammed up my ass but hey my calf muscles are killing me and I don't know any hot masseuse who can give me a rub down.

Maybe I should put that on my wish list!

And speaking of women I'd better close on another thought that I'd quickly like to share regarding women and jogging (heck! what isn't a post from me without mentioning something about women?)...

I've noticed that young women don't like to jog.

I see good quantities of elder ladies jogging (like my mum) which is FANTASTIC, but as for the younger ones... it's a no go.

It seems most younger types want to do the W&T... the walk and talk - which is okay, but come on, jog at least a couple of k's.

So I think it's a shame.

But it's true. In fact all the women I've previously dated all despised the thought of "going for a jog", and I found it extremely difficult one time taking one date on bicycle ride... you should have seen the look on her face when we were riding back home!

(We only rode for like 10km or something like that... and it was a *lazy* 10km - it wasn't like I was racing to get there and racing to get back!!)

Quickly moving on...

So when I see a woman jog, my eyes light up and I can't help but clap her on.

And this probably does more harm than good.

I mean can you imagine if some guy's face lights up and begins clapping as you run on by... yes, I agree... you'd probably cross the road and pick up the pace a little!

But, finding a woman that jogs, or a woman that rides, or a woman that kayaks, or a woman that does any strenous activity is indeed a rare breed. It seems women don't like pain... and they probably think this for a reason - they bare children - where all their pain comes at once!!

So the chics out there who jog - God bless ya.

For the chics who live in extreme hot or cold weather yet *still* try and remain active - God bless you to.

You've got a bloke down in the land of Oz clapping you on.

Now pick up the pace,

Ryan

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

No Concession?

Over the last several weeks I've been playing around with Yahoo's Movie site rating some of the movies that I've seen in the past.

I must admit I'm a bit of a movie buff.

I like being entertained... as corny as that sounds!

I love a good thriller, a good action flick (hey! I *am* a bloke!), hate horror, will BEAR a romantic show on behalf of my beloved (if I have one), adore sci-fi and love a good comedy (especially romantic comedies).

So, after rating about 200-odd movies at Yahoo's site I noticed that under the "My Movie" section that Yahoo recommended certain new release movies which I would like.

They do this from analyzing what movies I liked from the ratings I've given.

Some of the current movies that are being released which Yahoo thinks I'll enjoy include:
  • Unleashed - with Jet Li

  • The Island - with Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansonn

  • Sin City... etc etc


I'm impressed... and I must admit after seeing some of the previews for these flicks I think Yahoo could just be right!

Anyway, one such movie that Yahoo recommended last week was "Batman Begins"... so, I thought I'd take their recommendation out for a test drive and went and saw it tonight.

I'm impressed... Yahoo was right!

I did enjoy the flick... and I even had fun purchasing the tickets...

HER: Hi!
ME: G'day! Can I get two tickets to see Batman Begins please.
HER: Sure. That'll be $15. Do you have concession?
*I STOPPED PUZZLED BY THE QUESTION AS TUESDAY NIGHT'S ARE A FLAT $7.50 PER PERSON REGARDLESS OF CONCESSION!? I DECIDED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT...*
ME: Are good looks enough?
HER: *SILENT*
ME: *HANDING OVER $20*
HER: *STILL SILENT... SLOWLY PASSING TWO TICKETS OVER THE COUNTER AND $5 CHANGE*

... obviously I wasn't her type.

I wonder if they have concession for clowns?


Ryan

It's Never Just "Nothing"

The worst thing a guy can ever do is take what a woman says and then apply it logically.

Case in point:

Whenever a bloke asks a woman, "What's wrong?" and the woman replies with "Nothing", the worst thing a guy can possibly do from here is take what his woman says and then move on.

In some cases it would probably be MORE comfortable if the bloke went and got castrated rather than take what his woman said and apply a rational and logical process to it: i.e. DO nothing.

It's even worse if this supposed "nothing" (which is really "something") is about her man - the man (while being castrated) may as well go and have his heart, brain and stomach removed too!

So, what is it with women and these "It's nothing" answers?

I have no idea.

If I were to give a guess I would say that women are trying to soften the blow of whatever it is they're about to lay on you. If you continue to probe and you continue to press it intensifies the moment and heightens the final punch where the woman has no choice but to blurt out whatever it is.

I dunno... I'm not a woman.

If you haven't had experience with this before here's a rendition of my first incident with it many years ago...

ME: What's wrong?
HER: It's nothing.
ME: Oh come on... it's gotta be somethin?
HER. No it's nothing.
ME: Well how come you're acting strangely all of a sudden?
HER: I'm not acting strange. I'm fine.
ME: Are you sure it's nothing?
HER: Yes it's nothing... don't worry about it... it's nothing.

What more could I have done in that situation?

Kept going around the mulberry bush??

*sigh*

Later that evening the supposed "nothing" came out.

It was the first and last time I ever let a small "nothing" pass by my door again.

Next time it came out I was fully armed and ready...

ME: What's the matter?
HER: It's nothing.
*BRAIN HEARS THE MAGIC WORDS "IT'S NOTHING" RECOLLECTS WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME REGISTERS PAIN AND THEN PROCEEDS TO PREPARE*
ME: What do you mean it's nothing?
HER: It's nothing.
ME: Are you sure it's nothing?
HER: Yes, it's nothing.
ME: If you don't tell me what it is I'm going to tickle you so hard that you'll be peeing your pants.
*SERIOUS LOOK TO HER*
HER: *PAUSE* Well...

That broke the ice.

I wasn't quite sure whether it was the serious look, the tickling threat, or whether she didn't want me castrated a second time. Either way it produced the intended results - I got "nothing" out of her.

So gentlemen be warned! When a woman says "It's nothing" it's not nothing. If you don't handle the situation correctly you're more than likely going to lose something very special... and it might be very painful in how it is extracted from you!!


Ryan

PS - every woman has a ticklie spot.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Finding Out Your Primary Love Language

On Wednesday night I was invited to a church fellowship evening on a series labelled "Growing Kids God's Way" (I can't remember the presenter's name).

I was sold into joining this fellowship based on what the organizer told me I would learn about it, namely, "You will be able to understand women".

I didn't think this was possible at all.

I mean, seriously, if someone told me that they had a way whereby MEN could understand WOMEN I would laugh in their face and slowly walk away.

God gave man an enigma: woman.

Man shouldn't strive to understand this beautiful creature, just deal with it, acknowledge it, love it, and live life harmoniously together. Don't create a series of video tapes disguised about how to raise children better and then in the same breath try and convince me that you're going to answer the riddle of understanding women... it's just not going to happen.

So what did I do dear friends?

I went.

Hey! It was going to be a great laugh, OR, on the off-chance that maybe JUST may be they have learnt something that I haven't.

And, after an hour and a half I will admit that I did learn something.

The biggest feature of the night was discovering my primary love language. I didn't think I even had one, let alone how to find it and label it!? BUT, sure enough I was able to seek guidance from friends on what mine was.

Here was the exercise...

Rank from highest to lowest which of the following things you love to receive AND also give.

1. Acts of service (this is where you enjoy doing stuff such as maybe fixing things, helping people, and also enjoy it when someone loves it when they do an act of service for you, an example might be if you have a pet and someone were to one day help clean up your pet's mess);

2. Words of encouragement (this is where you enjoy uplifting people and similarly enjoy it when people praise you);

3. Physical touch & closeness (this is where you like being close to people and also like it when people are close in presence to you);

4. Quality time (this is NOT quantity time - in other words this is not where you just merely relay facts to the other person, but share in what you feel about things, you also enjoy spending quality time with others);

5. Gift giving (this is where you enjoy receiving gifts and equally enjoy giving gifts to people).

So, rank these five and then do a similar list for what you think your partner's list would be (and get your partner to do it without showing each other until done). Then compare.

I discovered that my list was:
1. Quality time
2. Physical touch & closeness (this was a close first)
3. Words of encouragement
4. Acts of service
5. Gift giving (this was a distant fifth... I'm no good with receiving or giving gifts)

And you'll probably discover that some are clustered tightly together whereas others are distant. In the case of my list I found that 1 & 2 were hard to rank between whereas Gift Giving was an easy last.

If you struggle with it start at the bottom and work your way backwards - I found that this helped me a lot.

So what does it all mean?

Well, whichever you ranked first this is labelled as your primary love language which means that you are great in giving this and also enjoy receiving it. When someone wants to say "I love you" and does it through your primary love language then you KNOW that they love you. Compare this to someone who wants to say "I love you" and does so through your least favourable one (mine being gift giving) - I personally would not feel the effectiveness of the person saying I love you through this channel.

Similarly, when YOU want to say "I love you" to someone your best means of doing so is through you primary love language. If someone does not have a similar primary to you then your effectiveness of communicating love to that person will not be appreciated as much as you would like.

And conversely if someone hurts you through your primary love language then its cuts will be felt more intensely than if the person chose a different channel to hurt you.

Doing this exercise for your children can also greatly enhance your relationship with them (wait until they are above the age of 7). I spoke to several people who have teens, kids and anything else that's left over and they all agreed that some children just respond to different forms of "I love you".

Some examples were: one parent found that one child loved the physical touch and closeness whereas another whenever they were hugged tried to escape it; another parent found that one of their children loved gifts whereas when the same gift (or one of similar value) was given to the other the other didn't appreciate it as much (or at all) than the one that did; lastly, one other parent found that doing an act of service for their child was more appreciated than spending quality time (etc etc etc).

So will this make me a chic magnet?

Probably not.

Can I take over the role of Mel Gibson in the movie "What Women Want"?

Probably not.

So what's it done?

It definitely has allowed me to understand love better... whether this helps with understanding XX-chromosome type creatures will remain to be seen!

But... it might do something for you. So try it.


Ryan

Thursday, July 21, 2005

New Toy

I've been playing around with Google's new toy for about an hour and... I'm luvin every minute of it!!

What is it?

It's Google Earth it's free, it's addictive and did I mention how much fun I've been having with it??

I don't know how long I can pull myself away from it to write about it here, but I'll try.

Places that I've been to include:
  • Where I was raised (age 0-5) (-32.0367376684, 115.789882954)

  • Where I spent most of my life (age 5-24) (-32.0706020747, 115.807893447)

  • Where I spent 3 years of my life (age 24-27) (-32.1194001802, 115.770673351)

  • Where I currently am (-32.0535557517, 115.834988717)

  • The first school I attended (Kardinya Primary - kindigarden to year 3) (-32.0619086654, 115.823064922)

  • The second school I attended (Samson Primary - year 4 to year 5) (-32.0724038832, 115.802373307)

  • The third school I attended (Rehoboth Christian Primary School - year 6 to year 7) (-32.0136001874, 115.913655102)

  • The fourth school I attended (Rehoboth Christian High School - year 8 to year 12) (-32.0326386173, 115.978603809)

  • The fifth school I attended (North Lake Senior High School - repeated year 12) (-32.0733077797, 115.813031527)

  • The first university I attended when I passed year 12 (Edith Cowan University Joondalup) (-31.7494001754, 115.773597151)

  • The first college (Beaconsfield TAFE) I attended after the commute to Edith Cowan University got too much for me! (-32.0665082157, 115.767257029)

  • The second university (Murdoch University) I attended and graduated with a Bachelor of Commerce from after passing through college (-32.067432877, 115.834067008)


If you want to check out those areas from Google's map just...
  • copy the co-ordinates

  • click on FLY TO menu button

  • paste the numbers into the box


I'd go on with some other adventures, but right now I'm off to the gym (-32.1084508279, 115.844528525).

So where are you at???


Ryan

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Addicted To Hot Or Not

*cursing*

This Hot or Not web site is addictive! TOO ADDICTIVE!

But I've given up on the scoring side of things... now I just go to the MeetMe section and just click either YES or NO for the chics I see.

The great thing about the MeetMe section is that you can enter a keyword to filter people that you would be more prone to meet. For instance I typed in christian as a keyword.

So what has been my experience so far?

Well I've had only one double match. And this chic has like 126 other double matches going on, so I'm beginning to think that to really be effective in this game you need to be quick.

Unfortunately Hot or Not don't provide any statistical details on how long the person you are wanting to meet has been active, as chances are if they have a score above 7 they've probably had a tonne of emails thrown at them.

So don't get disheartened when you join and click to meet other people, if they've been there for awhile they're likely to have already many pen pals, boyfriends/girlfriends, and friends than they can poke a stick at.

But... no harm in trying!

Ryan

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

More Canadian And American Chic Comparisons

More tips were provided by Miss Canada and her crew about how to distinguish between Canadians and Americans.

I agree with Andrea's first point about Canadians being more aware of world events. In fact I can remember when I was chatting to the two Canadian chics I asked them about Canada as the only stuff I knew about it was ice hockey and snow. They answered,
"We know more about Australia than our own country!!"

And they did!

Paige's comment on Canadians having more common sense: well why the heck is she in New Zealand?? Paige has gone from one cold climate to another!

Krista's comment on Canadians being hardier... I think I'll need a definition of this before I shoot my mouth off! But cuter and less obsessed with labels I wholeheartedly agree.

And I agree with Ulises comment on Canadians getting in touch with with the place they're in... it was quite amazing hearing the chics talk about Australia more than other tourists I've known. And I loved their attempt at ending every comment with "Mate" (like us Aussies do)... hahaha... it sounded so funny!

And we all had a big laugh.

Yep, I gotta agree Canadians are definitely more fun to be around. I can remember meeting an American chic from Seattle who couldn't understand a word that came out of our mouths!!

We had to talk slowly and pronounce our words American-style for her to understand us.

In fact, when I met the Canadian chics it wasn't long after I had met the Seattle gal and one of the first things I said was:
"Do I talk too fast?"

"Eh?"

Oh no, I thought, I'm gunna have to talk retarded again.

Thankfully though Becky quickly added,

"...I can understand you fine."

I excused myself and talked about the experience I had with a Seattle gal I had met several months ago.

"That's American gals for ya!" Becky concluded when I had finished.

Thank gawd! I was beginning to think it was me!


Ryan

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

A Glutton For Punishment

Some people are just a glutton for punishment.

Today I went to the famous HotorNot web site to see what the rave was all about.

My goodness!

I've never handed out so more 2's and 3's (out of 10) in my entire life! I began to feel sorry for some of the chics on the web site so I began upping my score to 4 and 5 out of 10... especially considering that the average score of some of these photos was FAR higher than what I was giving them!

Maybe it's my colour-blindness, or for those chics who scored a measely 2 or 3 out of 10 my BLINDNESS!

I had women poking their tongues out at me.
Women who had every part of their face pierced.
Women with strange looking no-faced friends.
Women that were men!?
And women that obviously didn't know how to use a camera.
Heck, I had to look twice in some cases!

I even started going cross-eyed in the end... and when I discovered that there were some 18 million photos yet to plough through I quickly switched it off.

BUT, there were some things that I began to notice with the women who had a high average score. Here were some of the common things:
  • Most were blond-haired blue-eyed

  • Most had someone ELSE take the photo of themselves

  • Most were dressed in semi-formal or very neat casual dress

  • Most of the photos were clear

  • Most had brushed their hair

  • Most smiled

  • Most were about a meter away from the camera

  • Most were full body shots

  • Most faced into the camera but twisted their body so that it was side-on

  • Most did not blink, or half blink during the shot

  • Most looked as though they weighed about 150lb (petite)


Anyway, just thought I'd pass my observations on to those chics who want to place their photo onto the HotorNot web site and do want to try and get a top score.

Nobody got my coveted 10 out of 10... a couple of chics got a 9, but no 10.


Ryan

What Is Your Brain's Sex?

Read the title of this post again... slowly if need be!

If you would like to find out what the sex of your brain is then do this test (takes about 15 minutes... well, did for me anyway). Hopefully you'll discover that your brain's sex is the same as your physical sex!!

Here's how I fared:

Part 1
  • Angles: 17/20 - meaning that my brain has male and female traits;

  • Spot the difference: 86% - I have a female-type brain!!! Eeek... get the electrodes!


Part 2
  • Hands: I am more verbal and analytical (I guess most people who read this blog would agree!!)... and I'm apparently a better fighter and a potential artist!


Part 3
  • Emotions & Systems: Empathasing (4/20) Systemising (12/20): both tests prove I've got the masculine brain

  • Eyes: 7/10: nope, now I'm female again! Eeek! Up the amps!!


Part 4
  • Fingers: I'm a MAN! Yeah! My ratios were right 0.97 and left 0.96.


Part 5
  • Faces: RESULT... I prefer more more feminine faces!! Phew!


Part 6
  • 3D Shapes: 12/12 - I can mentally rotate things in my head... must be male! ;o)

  • Words: I was crap with this one, especially considering that I'm colour-blind (or colour-deficient or whatever it is that people call it) and the first thing they wanted me to talk about WAS a colour! The results of this test were mixed.

  • Ultimatum: slightly feminine! Eeek!


So, overall they rated me 0, neither female nor male???

How did you go?

Click here to find out!


Ryan

Latvian Women

There's two things that scare me about Latvian women, and they are:
  1. They look too good to be true; and

  2. They're from Latvia!


I've never personally met a Latvian woman before and there's probably a good reason for that... Latvia don't allow their women to travel (I think it's some Latvian law that doesn't allow them to leave the country... as they probably don't want to come back!!).

But having traversed the internet lately I've come across some fairly attractive Latvian women, so much so that it's made me think that there's probably a conspiracy going on!

Yes, that's right, I reckon these long straight blonde haired blue eyed monsters are probably all just a facade.

Unsuspecting computer geeks surf the net and come across these web sites, think they've hit the jackpot, and when the Latvia lady seeks marriage the geek all but passes out.

So don't do it fellas. Steer clear of these modern day Sirens.

You've been warned.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Telling The Difference Between Canadians And Americans

Somebody sent me a link to answer the question I posed in my Canadian Chic post of differentiating between a Canadian and American tourist.

After reading through Miss Canada's blog post it all seems much clearer now.

So here's how you can determine if you're with a Canadian:
  • Mumble something unintelligible and ask, "So what do you think?"... if they respond with "Eh?" - then you've got a Canadian

  • Get them to apologise for something, like "Will you stop grabbing my ass!"... if they respond with "I'm sorry" instead of "I'm sah-rry" then you've got a Canadian

  • Ask them where they came from, and if they respond with "My Mum" instead of "My Mom" then you've got a Canadian

  • Ask them to recite the alphabet, then listen carefully for the last letter... do they say ZED or ZEE? If ZED you've got a Canadian.


I must admit out of all of the answers provided by the nameless Miss Canada the most prominent one that I can recall was the "Eh?" phrase.

Even when I didn't say anything you'd often hear one of them say "Eh?".

It reminded me of walking through a farm and hearing the odd lamb bleat.

"Eh!"

"BaaAaa!"

Now I know.

Don't Be Fooled

Yes, I have had an internet relationship before.

Yes, she was really a woman (thank gawd!).

Yes, it was long-distance, but not as long-distance as some might think.

No, it didn't last long when we met.

I was young. I was probably around 18 at the time, and I was naive.

Initially I thought I was in love, and when the mystery woman started sending photos of herself I began to feel even more "in love".

I reciprocated and sent a photo of myself to her and needless to say the next step was physical contact.

Boy was I glad I didn't propose to her over the internet!

There were several things I learnt from that lesson that I will take with me to the grave, and, where possible, warn others about too...

  1. The internet changes people. For some reason unbeknowst to the scientific community some people prefer to change their AGE, their marriage status, their place of residence and even their SEX when they go online! Always, always, always expect the worst of someone when you are chatting to them online. It is *so* easy to fall in love with words and to imagine what you mystery partner looks like. Folks, if they are on the net they probably are behind a computer for a REASON... they don't want to be seen in public!

  2. Don't trust anything digital. Technology has been great in this age, we can easily enhance digital photos by using techniques such as air-brushing. The photos I received from my mystery internet woman looked NOTHING like the real woman that came and saw me.


I'm serious guys and gals - you need to be on your guard with the net these days.

Experience at an early age taught me well.

Not convinced?

Just check out my digitially enhanced self-portrait photo:



... told you I was hairy (I had great difficulty trying to airbrush it all out)!

Canadian Chics

The first Canadian chic I ever met was one who stayed at my ex-girlfriend's place whilst travelling and working around Australia.

She was a great person to talk to and I had to admit I thought she was American.

HOW IN THE WORLD CAN NON-NORTH AMERICAN PEOPLE TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CANADIAN AND AMERICAN ACCENT??

They sound the same!

Shelley, the Canadian chic who was teaching around Australia, didn't take any offence when I initially inserted my foot into my mouth by asking whereabouts in the US she was from.

She had probably been asked that many times by ignorant Aussie blokes like me and curtly responded with,

"The best part."

Still not understanding I pressed,

"Which part's that?"

"The Canadian part of course!"

She laughed.

I was confused.

I swear she had an American accent, so not to be out done I pressed further,

"So you live in the US?"

"No, BC in Canada"

"You have American parents?"

"No, both Canadian"

"But you've got an American accent?"

"No, American's have a Canadian accent!"

She laughed again.

Well, I was beat.

I don't know how you tell the difference between an American and a Canadian, and they seem to think that you can't tell the difference between an Aussie and a Kiwi (a New Zealander).

It's easy!

Tell both people to say "Six". One will say "Six" the other will say "Sux". The person who "Sux" is a Kiwi!

:op~

Anyway, back to Canadian chics.

Last year I had the privilege of meeting two wonderful Canadian chics: Suzie and Becky. They were backpacking around Australia and had pretty much travelled the entire perimeter of our country.

The first time I met these lovely ladies I decided to be a little more general in my opening,

"Hi, where are you from?"

I hoped they weren't going to be too general in reply by answering something like, "My mom"... as I would've had no clue on what to ask next!

Thankfully they weren't.

"From Canada."

"Whereabouts?"

"Near BC"

Are all Canadian chics from BC? Or is BC the only habitable place in cold Canada?

As the night progressed we talked about Canada and some of its freezing cold temperatures. I can't believe people can actually reproduce in those minus 30 degree Celsius conditions... YOU'VE ALL GOT TO BE MAD... I don't think I'd even shower or go the toilet if I was travelling through Canada...

IT'S JUST TOO FRICKIN COLD!

I mean, in Australia we are experiencing winter. I am rugged up to the hilt with layers of clothing and its only about 5 degrees Celsius... the lowest it ever gets around here is about 0 degrees.

I can't even *begin* to imagine what life would be like at minus 10, minus 20, minus 30 or heaven help me minus 40 degrees!

In fact Becky made mention that when she was travelling through Australia's top northern end (through Cairns-Townsville) there were days when it was around 40 degrees... nice and hot... and she contacted her family back home and they mentioned that it was MINUS 40 degrees on the farm!!!

A farm???

How can you have a farm in Canada? Are you farming ice? Are they farming icecreams?

It just doesn't make sense.

And boy can Canadian chics eat! Don't get me wrong here folks... I love a woman who eats... but at the rate these petite chics were going at it I thought they were storing up for winter when they were going to go back!

And lastly is it true what they say about Canadian chics?

I mean honestly now, you don't have to be shy the truth needs to be told once and for all...

Do Canadian chics have hairy legs?

Hey I'm just asking an innocent question. I mean it makes sense: cold climates, the basic human need to keep the body insulated - keeping all the hair intact makes sense!

And don't get me wrong as I'm a hairy bloke myself... and I'm not ashamed of it, I flash it around all the time during the summer and praise the Lord for it during the winter... maybe Canadian chics do the same thing!

I Like Beating Women

I have a confession to make...

I enjoy beating women

... but I don't get ANY satisfaction from it. It's to be expected every time I do it.

I enjoy beating them on the tennis court, on the basketball court, on the racing track and pretty much every other sporting arena I can think of.

Yes... I enjoy winning, and I enjoy winning over women... because when I lose boy do those women let me know.

But, on the odd occassion that I *accidentaly* DO lose to women it's generally because I ELECT to lose. We can't have one person having all the fun ALL the time... sometimes I share it around.

And even if it may look as though I'm trying to do my utmost best to stay in or win the game, really... I'm just making the game more memorable and enjoyable... for them.

And no I don't hit women... I'M NOT THAT LOW! Gee... some of you people!!

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Women And Toilets

During one of my high schooling years (when I was in the 9th grade) I was privvy to sitting in view of the entrance to the girl's toilets.

ONLY IN VIEW... this wasn't something I had necessarily planned when I parked my school gear every day and claimed my piece of the school bench - it was seriously out of pure ACCIDENT.

Looking at girls wandering into the toilet isn't that exciting anyway... as I soon found out.

Anyway, there was one thing that used to bug my mates and I about women: why in the Dickens did they go in pairs?

We never could figure it out, and I was boisterous enough one day to even ask a few what they got up to in there. Needless to say I got tired of being slapped after the third time.

"What do you think?" they all said in some form or another.

So, my mates and I just used to guess.

"Maybe they can't continue the conversation with an interruption," one said.

"Maybe they need a support group: one to flush the toilet, the other to hold the toilet paper, and the other to do the deed," another mate added.

"Maybe they have farting competitions!!" I added.

And with that we never thought about it again.

Depressed? Get Active... Now!

I'll be the first to admit that I've had periods where I have been depressed. Sometimes so depressed that I couldn't have even cared less if I died.

And boy were those low points in my life.

But did you know what changed it around?

I became active.

And no sooner had I started becoming more proactive in my life had things began to change.

Initially I started by giving myself a challenge, and making a vow that I wouldn't easily give up on that challenge if it was too hard. It started by doing one lap around the park.

Now, the park was probably only about 2km (about 1.25 miles) in diameter, but for the life of me when I started I just couldn't jog.

So I walked.

I had become so lazy and so depressed that I became a prisoner to my own thoughts... the only active muscle I had was the muscle between my ears, and even then it seemed as though it worked more against me than for me.

Now I wanted it to change. I wanted the muscle between my ears to start thinking positively. I had no idea if it was going to work. I didn't care.

I hated the other alternative anyway... I'd been there done that and didn't like it.

Now I was going to experience some real pain: physical pain. No longer were my thoughts going to be hampering me on what I could've, should've, would've done, now they were going to be proactive words: I can do it. I will do it. I am going to do it.

And as sheer luck or fate would have it, things did change!

I pushed myself to jog and eventually I jogged. I can remember the pain in my legs, the pain of my throbbing head for lack of water, but things changed!

No longer was I feeling sorry for myself, no longer did I feel trapped by the things I couldn't achieve, and no longer did I care about what other people said or thought.

I started with one small insignificant challenge and it was tough, but it eventually helped me grow and gave me the confidence and vitality I needed at that point in life.

I also changed my diet ridding myself of all the crap I was eating (garbage in, garbage out) and began to take a more proactive look at the things I was consuming.

I once weighed nearly 250 pounds (112kg) and within a matter of about 6 months I weighed about 175 pounds (80kg).

Since then I regularly attend my gym and now weigh around 200 pounds (90kg).

I'm healthier in body, I'm healthier in mind and I feel great.

If you're lonely, or are going through a rough patch in life, please don't think that you're the only one who's experienced it... many around the world have come to the same situation.

I'm no psychologist (or counsellor) and I'm not registered to give anybody ANY advice in matters like this, but I know when I was at my lowest ebb that the thing which changed it around was to become more ACTIVE physically.

And I just did it. Through migraines, headaches, soreness, aches and pains I didn't let anything hold me back. If I died because I overdid it then I at least my epitaph would have read "He tried... maybe too hard though".

I can't motivate you, only you can motivate you. Take a reality check on where you are now, and if you don't like it then try DOING something that will bring about a change in your situation to something that *you* will like about you.

Don't listen to others, don't care about what they think, or what you think they think. Just do it. You only get one shot at life, don't stuff it up.

You're far more precious than you know... well for a start you're reading my blog so I know you're pretty smart...

Don't give up.

Lastly, on that "Don't give up" theme I can remember sticking on my desk a couple of quotes that I really liked, which became my mantra when things got tough physically, it was:

A quitter NEVER wins, and
A winner NEVER quits (Napoleon Hill)


AND

It's hard to beat a person who never gives up (Babe Ruth)

Don't quit easily.

Being Complacent In Your Own Solitude

I have a theory about living alone - and this applies more so to men than women.

I believe that men who live alone become complacent in their own singleness, especially once they get into a routine that they're comfortable with.

I have an uncle that has been living by himself for the last 15 years (he's now in his mid-40s) and he recently broke up with yet another woman who he was dating seriously for nearly a year (the relationship looked serious enough to us from the outside).

And while this break up occurred I was at the time listening to a tape from Chuck Missler where he made some special emphasis on Genesis 2:24 where it states,

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall become one flesh (KJV)

This verse is also repeated again in the New Testament, see Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7, and Ephesians 5:31 which implies to me that this important... as why worry about repeating it 3 more times??

Now, you can intepret this verse in a myriad of ways, I understand that, but if we were to look at it from the physical aspect of a man physically leaving his parent's place and then moving to a place shared by he and his wife then it can take some profound signficance.

In light of this verse I think that there is some physical aspect that speaks volumes about relationships. I think it's important for people to remain at home with their folks until they do get married based simply on many facts:
  1. Men can get complacent and therefore unsacrificial to any relationship they start - they've fallen in love with their lifestyles more than the women they meet;

  2. Too easy to get up to mischief - if you know what I mean;

  3. Moving in to one person's place after marriage I think can create a cause where one can kick out the other because it's "theirs". If a married couple were to find a place together and share ownership of it then one doesn't have ownership over the other and therefore no one has more "right" over the other.


Each of these three points can leads us to problems that have been seen in society nowadays... the first one is depression among single middle aged men, the second STDs, and the third divorce. So I wonder how significant the verse that is repeated 4 times in the Bible really is?

Anyway, just thinking out aloud with thoughts that have been running through my head while I pondered about this issue.

Does This Make Me Look Fat?

I learnt my lesson with this question a LONG time ago.

Initially I was taken by surprise and had no idea of what the real motive was behind it. So I replied the way most blokes do and said,

"Nope."

Unfortunately that answer wasn't good enough.

"So you think I'm fat?"

Bewildered at whether or not my answer was actually heard the first time I threw out the same answer again,

"Nope."

Unfortunately this second answer wasn't good enough, and the first one HAD been heard.

"You think I'm fat."

"Didn't I just say no?"

"Well I didn't like you answer."

"What did you expect me to say?"

"The truth!"

"I just did!"

Then for the remainder of the weekend I'd spend it in solitary confinement as if I had just slapped her mother across the face.

In my solitary confinement I learnt many things.

I learnt that there really isn't a correct answer to that question.

OBVIOUSLY you can't say YES, otherwise you'll be in a similar situation to what poor old William Wallace was in (see closing last scenes of Braveheart to understand).

And you can't JUST say NO hurriedly because they will know that you've been preprogrammed to say that and that it truly doesn't reflect your opinion.

Both of these answers I knew before the question above was asked. So, I tried a third option, say NO, but pause before answering - as this would make her think that you actually thought about your answer.

As fate would have it, this wasn't good enough either!

It seems that if you pause too long you really DO think she's fat, but you are thinking of ways to escape the question! So that even if you DO answer "No" she knows that you really wanted to say "Yes".

My goodness.

We just can't win dear fellas. I think it's best just to say "Yes" while wearing protective clothing similar to that of ice-hockey goalies!

But no, there is a better way...

If you do answer yes for goodness sakes preface it with something cocky and funny. If it's no preface it with something other than no.

Some answers to the "Does this make me look fat?" (or "Do I look fat in this?") are:
  • "No, it makes you look fantastic." or...

  • "Yes, I think you should take it all off." (laugh)


Now the last one is a joke and is a great way of laughing away the question.

Work at some of your answers should you ever be given the "privilege" of being asked these types of questions... and where possible be humourous about it.

Women enjoy a bit of fun.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Why God Created Woman

You know I personally believe that if God DIDN'T create woman man would have pretty much discovered how everything works.

We would have chartered the seas, plotted the stars, worked out every constant, and mapped the lands... yep man would have discovered pretty much everything.

But then God threw a spanner into the works and created woman.

See, God chose Adam to name the beasts including all the creeping things... and you can understand why God wanted to get that out of the way *before* Eve came along otherwise most of the creeping animals would have been destroyed by OD'ing on Mortein.

Being the Almighty God that God is he knew that Adam was too smart for his own good. He knew that he would eventually know everything there is to know about the universe, so he decided to make woman.

After stealing Adam's lower rib (the only bone in the body that does actually grow back!) he fashioned woman to complement man.

When God presented his new creation to Adam he was still in the naming mindset and labelled the new creation as "woman", or, as I like to put it...

Woe, man!

As God gave her to Adam he smiled knowing all too well that man was stuffed now.

No longer would they know everything about life. No longer would life be the same. Just when man was probably on the verge of discovering everything God threw in a creature that he would never completely understand or comprehend.

God designed one complex creature.

And just when man would get close to discovering everything about a woman, something would happen that would throw out all theories.

In the end man just had to resort themselves to the fact that woman was not meant to be understood.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Variety Is The Spice Of Life

Women often tell me that "Variety is the spice of life".

Often when they mention this it is met by a coupon or advertisement offering something new and exciting that costs big bucks.

I can remember one day my girlfriend Ella came to meet me one day with a great big smile.

Now I love big gorgeous smiles, but I knew there was something more sinister behind this smile than my previous encounters.

And right I was.

Ella had found a book.

Nothing dangerous about that of course, except what the book contained: discount vouchers of every conceivable restaurant and cafe known to man!

"Now we can try a whole heap of places," she squeaked.

Great!

Now all I have to do is rob a bank.

Delighted that Ella had just found the eighth wonder of the world she fanned through it reading out all the menus and places as well as which restaurants were the best according to some food critic who had the taste buds of a blocked-nose hippo!

I needed to sit down.

By the look on my face you would have thought that someone had just died. I think someone just did: my bank manager.

So, as the weeks progressed and we tried new places she was always quick to quip the same proverb I opened this post with:

Variety is the spice of life

What I've always wondered is why on earth does it need to be something physical... why not something mental??

I've never condoned book burning, but the urge was very strong whenever that book presented itself.

The First Kiss

Some people have told me that the worst day is the first day. I mean think about all the first things you've done in life:

  • Your first day on the job where you were introduced to what seemed all the people on the planet *and* then had to remember their name!

  • Your first driving lesson where you just couldn't get that darn stick shift to work

  • Your first kiss...


Most people remember their first kiss, but I think it's important how you define "kiss". See, I'm willing to bet that my first kiss came from my mother... as soon as I was out and cleaned up it was straight to her lips!

And no doubt my father too.

So I was kissed at age 0.

Okay okay how about on the lips of another girl?

Well... that would have been when I was about 7 and I kissed my cousin Tanya. It was one of those innocent kisses and yes it was on the lips.

NO, that's pecking... let me simplify it for you... when was the first time you kissed a girl on the lips and they were not related to you in anyway whatsoever?

What about the six degrees of separation?

JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!

Ok.

I don't think I ever kissed anyone during my schooling years. I was one of those shy kids who wouldn't have been caught dead with another girl... I even went solo to my prom night - that just shows you how shy I was!

Anyway, I think the first kiss would have been my first love Sarah when I was 18.

I didn't know how to kiss even at that age! And even though I took up French class during my high school years hoping that we would get into some in depth discussion about "French kissing", with maybe some practice on some of the hot chics that were in the class, learning the "craft" never came.

Therefore I had to wing it when the time came.

Sarah was my first semi-serious relationship, my first internet relationship (we met on the IRC chat channels), and therefore my first long distance relationship (we lived in the same state, but about 500km apart).

I can recall the warm sensation on my lips followed by a subtle sucking pull when we first had our intimate kiss. I can remember alarm bells in my head ringing,

PULL OUT PULL OUT! She's dragging us in!

So I softly pulled away.

I don't know how many rounds I could take, but I knew that I was going to have to learn and learn fast. Sarah smiled and began reaching in for more.

I couldn't think of anything to do but hug. My body hadn't evolved into the kissing phase yet and I'd have to do some serious practice... but I didn't know where.

After releasing Sarah from the hug my mind quickly snapped and thought of an idea:

I would practice in the toilets!

Excusing myself for a minute I quickly found a nearby public toilet and sat on a vacant seat wondering how I could possibly practice kissing on myself. Initially I begun pouting my lips and squeezing them against my hand. I then went further and begun subtlyly sucking back. A strange noise emanated from the toilets as I begun doing this and it sounded much like ripping pants.

Sarah heard the noise and yelled, "Are you okay in there?"

To which I tried to pull away from the hand that I had nearly swallowed and replied, "Yes".

This wasn't good.

I didn't know what to do and I'd have to wing it yet again. I flushed the toilet.

No sooner had I left the toilet block had Sarah planted another whopping kiss on me. I didn't know what to do. I thought the best policy at this point in time was to just mimic whatever she was doing... I was always a great copier as I used to always get told off in class and had to write thousands of lines of why I shouldn't do this or that. I found by using carbon paper I greatly reduced the amount of time I took to write those stupid lines.

So I copied. Whatever Sarah did I did the same.

Initially it was weird, until I finally began to realise that I needed to do a mirror replication of what she was doing, i.e. if she tilted her head to the right, I had to tilt my head to the left.

Now I was getting the hang of it.

Now I was the man!

So what should you do if you've never had any kissing experience and you're finally in a predicament like I was?

Well first off don't panic. Women are quite forgiving.

Second, just wing it as good as you can and if the mirror approach seems to work well keep doing it.

Lastly, don't practice on a mirror or on your hand just practice on her!

Welcome To My Blog!

I don't know how you got here, or even how long you intend on staying, but my intentions for setting up this blog was to have some good ol' fun at the expense of women.

Unfortunately there's a lot of crap on the internet these days and its difficult to have just a good ol' laugh at the expense of women from one warped point of view - mine!

Now, before I go any further I need to preface this by saying several IMPORTANT things as well as answering common questions:
  1. I am a Christian - I'm not here to demean women, or engage in any foul language or sick/crude jokes... all that can be obtained from many other sites easily found from a simple Google search;

  2. If you take things too seriously in here then it's best you don't read any further (even though I think this post is at the very bottom?!) - I'll be taking the mickey out of men, women and anything else my twisted mind can think of;

  3. Is this some lame way you wish to pick up women?? I'm not looking for a woman and this is not some poor sick excuse to make this the most lengthiest personal ad on the entire planet. So NO. At the moment I am happily *single* and am merely an observer of things... and yes I have been in several relationships with women (all at different times) with some ranging from a week to 4 years;

  4. Are you married? No I have never been married but I have several friends that are as well as several male friends that are single. I treat marriage seriously and only wish to engage into such an endeavour once in my life time... it's just a matter of finding that right one;

  5. Do you hate women? NO I DO NOT HATE WOMEN, I love women and I praise the Lord that God created such a fascinating creature, but no matter what I say on this blog about women no matter how bizarre it might come across as I DO NOT HATE WOMEN;

  6. Why are you doing this? I just wanted to have some good clean fun. I love blogging and do so for other activities that interest me. Unfortunately whenever one looks for clean fun about women it's tough to find such resources, I'm hoping to provide such a resource for other men/women looking for good clean fun;

  7. How can I contact you? While I prefer people to comment on this blog if they have any questions, suggestions, slander or abuse, you can email me by writing to anothersingleguy AT gmail.com;

  8. How long have you been a Christian? I was extremely fortunate enought to be raised in a Christian family. My parents are still together and I have one younger brother and and one younger sister. I committed myself to the Lord when I was 10, and then re-committed myself when I was 18;

  9. How old are you? Most people say I'm 5, but according to my driver's licence and passport as at this very point in time I am 27 years old;

  10. Are you gay (i.e. homosexual)? No;


So there you have the main formalities out of the way. Of course, if you have any questions feel free to ask me by writing to:

anothersingleguy AT gmail.com

Let's have some good clean fun!


Ryan